Engaged....but why?

[lourules]

in a nutshell ... been with my partner 5 years been engaged for a year. BEFORE we were engaged for a laugh i put in for Dont Tell The Bride (my partner knew i had) and we got through to the interviews then to the final interview. Was pretty convinced we were going to end up on the show so mutually picked a beautiful ring, got engaged (although i wasnt actually proposed to) had a little party and my partner was happy texting me things like "heya future wifey" which made me v.happy. Then we didnt get on the show as they gave our spot to a more "needy" couple and all of a sudden the "wifey" texts stopped. His family started saying "well you only got engaged for the show so its not like a proper engagement is it?" - anyways i brought up the subject of actually GETTING married the other month saying why dont we do it this summer as his sister is over from oz on a visit and were planning to move abroad at the end of the year and i was met with a frosty - "no i dont think so i dont want to fully commit to anyone plus we cant afford it" and that was that. i tried to show him some dresses on ebay and said we didnt have to spend alot for it to be intimate but still the answer was...no and no. So now today i take my ring off to put handcream on and im thinking i dont wanna put it back on? Why are we engaged? i mean he didnt actually ask me BUT was happy to do so at the time? He doesnt actually want to get married? We have a good relationship but we are chalk and cheese. Hes 28 and im 26 - i know marriage isnt the be all and end all but the thought of marriage fills me with happiness plus i want our granparents to see it before its too late as there all in their 80's....im tempted to put the ring in abox and put it away. I cant wear jewellery for my work so he prob wouldnt notice? What shall i do?

[ljdksa]

It definitely sounds like money is an issue. Ask him ALL his reasons for not being "ready" yet and you can decide if you're happy to wait.

[4getmenot]

sounds to me like he didnt mind when it was free. Not sure why you entered nyway if you wernt engaged

[boxtops]

Do you have money worries then, as a couple, or is he worried about debt that you don't know about? In the current climate it's very hard to save - there might never be enough money. The actual wedding needn't cost very much at all, it's the food and the reception for a big party which costs. You can be married, the two of you and witnesses, very inexpensively.

[knowabit]

Did you say you were planning on moving abroad at the end of the year? That is quite a big thing to do together, but he is not ready to commit? Weird!

[happyone2]

i find the answer "im just not ready" not enough myself................. there needs to be more substance to it...........ie why is he not ready, and is he not ready to marry you now, but will be in the future, or is he never going to be ready to marry ever, or never going to be ready to marry you. Is he prepared to committ to you but not marry, or is this marriage thing about committment.

And whyis he worried about money, in my experience couples are better off than us singletons.......................so this needs to be explored further as well.

If he wants to be with you he should be prepared to answer these questions more fully............................... sometimes some people dont appreciate what they have til they lose it...................................

good luck

[ummmm]

Some people just don't want to spend vast amounts of money on a wedding. Personally I'd rather buy a new car than have a big wedding.