What the eff is happening?

[Barmaid]

Just had a problem with our phone line. Internet went down and line was doing loud screeching noise when I picked up the handset. Thus I tried calling it from my mobile and some woman 3 miles away answered!! We had a rather hilarious conversation where I had to explain I had not misdialled but there must be a problem.

I then phoned our service provider (which is entirely another story). While I was talking to him our phone rang. It was someone who wanted an entirely different number asking about a dog.

The FH has just rang his best mate across the lake and it was answered by Abdul and his number is now an Indian takeaway a few miles away.

What IS happening?!

[Barmaid]

Our line appears OK now - although I have just given the service provider the benefit of my opinion on their crap service. Not sure it helped that when I called them I had to talk to "Brian". Unfortunately "Brian" sounded like Achmed the Goatherd in Mumbai. I had to get him to repeat everything 4 times. He tried telling me it was a fault with our equipment "Oh no it isn't because if it was, I wouldn't have connected to some poor random woman three miles away". We had a frank exchange of views on that.

Brian "Find the main junction box".
<<BM climbs over numerous piles of papers, moves various boxes out of the way, nearly poops herself at enormous spider in the corner>> "Yep, got the main box"
Brian "Does it have line running through it"
BM "You tell me, you just tested the bloody thing".
Brian "No I mean straight line through middle of box"
BM "Yeah sort of"
Brian "Does it have screws"
BM "Yeah 2"
Brian "well now unscrew front panel".
BM "You mean I need a bloody screwdriver................" Thinks "you effing muppet, of course I always have one handy in my pocket".

[NazNomad]

He's wanting you to remove the lower panel on the NTE and plug a phone directly into the socket that you'll find behind there.

This isolates your shít from their shít, so they know who to blame.

[Barmaid]

Well what was really funny was that whilst the panel was being unscrewed (had to get FH to do that cos I couldn't hold the phone and screw at the same time), it rang (Brian forgot to mention the unplugging bit).

There is a lot of building work going on, so I suspect that could be something to do with it. But as long as its OK now.

[DEN53]

Barmaid - I normally speak to 'Kevin' via Mumbai !

[zzxxee]

Kevin from Mumbai i know him well and his mates David Tracey and Nigel !!

[murraymints]

..And a madras and a naan and a few poppadoms...while you are there Brian ...!

[Barmaid]

What a muppet. If he had said "best get a screwdriver" before I located the box I wouldn't have been so exasperated. (Although tbh, he might have done, I just didn't understand him). All through the call the FH was whispering "calm down". I nearly stuck the bloody mobile where the sun didn't shine.

[LoftyLottie]

With every call, the first thing they tell you that the fault is with your equipment!! Standard line. Then you have to crawl all over the place testing things. These days I refuse point blank because we always have bloody problems with our phone lines as the outside lines are about 40 years old and lay under water at the mere mention of rain.

Do you remember my rant a month or so Barmaid. Grrrrrrrr