If you had a housebound mother with a whole host of "issues"

[Lily_Lilbert]

At what point would you stop trying to please her? If her bad behavior and control issues had shaped your life would there come a point where you said "enough".

[ummmm]

Depends. How old is she? How long has it been going on? Any other siblings? What kind of bad behaviour?

[cazzz1975]

she may be struggling to deal with life housebound, its a tough existance, she is bound to hit out verbally towards anyone

[sara3]

what happens once you've said "enough"? will she starve, etc?

[fluffyblond]

hi, sounds like your in a bit of a hole, get help from her GP, social services and other family members, you are a person to, dont feel bad for saying ive had enough, its your life, dont live it for other people, if others look down on that, get them to take care of her see how long they last. if this control thing has gone on all your whole life then put her in safe hands and move on.

[ljdksa]

Exactly, Fluffy. Lily, there will be help out there for you. Ring Social Services first. You may be able to get Carers to come in to your home, or find a local Residential home that will suit her. She will benefit too, if you are coping. You do need to look after yourself as well.

[Nosha123]

Never a truer word spoken.. "its your life, dont live it for other people"

[dancecaller]

It sounds as if your relationship may have been not the best even before she became housebound.
It is hard work caring for someone even when they are grateful.
You need time for yourself, and to enjoy life without feeling guilty that you are happy when she isn't.
I think you could decide what you can do for her willingly, do that much. Offer to help her sort out help for the rest (but it's her responsibility not yours at the end of the day). If she is involved with social services let them know that you are cutting back.

[Whoever]

Maybe she's just started taking you for granted because you are the only person dancing attendance on it. Even if she's housebound it might help if she had more exposure to the outside world. Age Concern offer a "befriending service" whereby volunteers will visit an elderly housebound person once a week for a friendly chat and a cup of tea. Perhaps if she had more company and felt less lonely her general attitude might help to improve. If you Google "Age Concern Services + your mother's postcode, you might be able to find what services might be available to her.

[katiecarol]

ive had similar but my mom isnt housebound although she acts like she is for the attention of 'oh, i cant get out' 'poor me'. eventually you have to say enougth is enougth for your own benefit if nothing else. dont let it drive you crazy. my mom caused me to lose everything because of her actions or should i say inactions. i wouldn't want anyone to go through what i did, it's hard but it has to be done.

[Tuddypat]

Substitutue 'housebound mother' with 'teenager' in the question , and then you'll know what she had to go through.

On second thoughts, she chose to have you so it's not a valid comparison. Just tell her if she keeps getting on your nerves you'll put her in a home.

[starone]

Did you mean your mother has tried to control you throughout your life or just since she has become housebound. Has she always been badly behaved towards you and is she also badly behaved towards other people? If so it is a big problem. I believe you can get people to come and stay with her and even take her out, but you may have to pay. Social Services and Age Concern are your best bet for help. As cazzz has said it is a tough existence and loneliness is a terrible thing so you may have to have a lot of patience. Is she able to walk at all? Just into the garden can be a great help.

[craft1948]

Would you like my daughter's phone number?

[Gentry]

You have to ask yourself if you want to continue being an enabler. Somr people aren't happy unless they are always the centre of attention. In her case, this could lead to emotional abuse. Are you abused?