Husbands Flirting

[chilliwitch]

Right here we go...Hubby and I have been together 12 years,married 7 of those.Never had any major problems just the usual!He went out on the lash last weekend,I met him and his mates 7 hours later.He was very,very drunk,had a nice time to start with then he walks back from playing pool,walks straight past me and starts blatantly chatting up a girl 2 ft behind me,I heard him telling her how great she looks and what lovely legs she has!!!I was raging!!!We had words he told me "it doesn't matter I love you and am leaving with you" I left fuming!.He came home,had major row.Next day he profusely apologised said he was really sorry he was drunk,never meant to hurt me etc.Walking on eggshells for a few days but I do believe he is genuinely sorry and never meant to do it.I just feel devastated though,i feel like he's betrayed me, I feel so insecure now where as I have never been this wayif he could do that when i was there what would he do when i wasn't,the girl was the total opposite of me,younger than me and the type of girl hubby always said he doesn't"fancy".I keep thinking to myself get over it,he was drunk and otherwise wouldn't have done it.I know he loves me as i do him but i just can't seem to push it out of my mind.
Am I overreacting and how do I get over it
TIA x

[joeluke]

Problem is 'innocent' flirting can lead to 'not so innocent' taking things further if it's not nipped in the bud

How do you know he didn't get her mobile number chilli?

[LoftyLottie]

I would be more worried if Mr LL chatted up people if I wasn't there ummmm. I would think it meant something - not that I would know of course!! :o).

[chilliwitch]

I personally think it's chatting up.in my eyes its regardless I was sitting there and as i said before it is disrespectful.I haven't got a problem with him talking to other women im not like that,just because we're married doesnt mean he can only talk to me!!i just think you shouldn't flirt/chat up other women when your wife is sitting 2ft away.

[askyourgran]

Out of order, flirting when his wife is in view. He must have been well p**sed to do that. The fact that he was drunk would be a good excuse, but that fact that he did, it made you look like a tw8t in front of everyone is a sure fire way of putting your back up. Give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Some people have a modus operandi when drunk. A girl I know used to take her clothes off, always had to take a spare set of undies when she went out on the razz. At least your guy just talks.

[chilliwitch]

I don't think he did Joe,I honestly believe he wouldn't take it that far and he was just flirting.He has assured me that was all it was but I cannot help the way i feel.I don't want to feel like this but cannot help it

[fruitsalad]

I agree with you chilli, I dont have a problem with OH having a converation with woman, but to say things like that in front of me would upset me just a bit to, maybe its a male ego thing to show he's still got it

[LoftyLottie]

If he doesn't usually do it, then it was the drink. If it were a regular flirt and part of his personality then you would know that by now and wouldn't worry about it. Some people are flirty by nature and if you didn't like it you wouldn't be with them. I am a natural flirt (it means nothing) Hubby knew it when he married me.

Either way, I don't think you have reason to be very angry. He was drunk. To be honest I would be more annoyed about the drunkeness than the flirting.

We are all different.

How you get over it? Who knows!! You really do have to work that out yourself, but I seriously think you are going over the top on this and dwelling on it. You have a good marriage so be happy!!

[happyone2]

As one who has , a few too many times to mention, been more than a little the worse for wear, i can say that i have done things that perhaps had i not been totally paraletic i might not have done in a billion years !!!

When you are that drunk, assuming you dont know this already ??? you dont know what you have said, done , had done to you ( hence so many rapes etc that happen with the youngsters these days)

so, i dont think you have anything to worry about ...............except perhaps to worry about his drinking ??? and how you dealt with the situation

i think, if you were secure enough in yourself you would have walked over to him, put your hand round his waist and said something like " isnt he a silly sod ( to her ) , sorry hes bothering you.............come on, come back to your mates you dobate!!!"

LOL !!! honestly i really feel you are making too much of this !!! .................and i wonder why ???

[chilliwitch]

You wonder why i am making to much of this happyone?i dont think i am,i came on here for a bit of advice,as i explained it has made me feel insecure,i am secure in myself and have said this has knocked me for 6 as ive never been like this before and don't enjoy feeling like this but cannot help it and yes i do know that when people get drunk they do/say things they usually wouldn't,it was just a bad situation that i hadnt had to deal with before

[ummmm]

Chalk it up to experience if you can Chiili...you've been together a long time..he knows it's made you unhappy so hopefully, even beered up, he'll know not to do it again.

Drink makes loads of people say and do silly things...half the time they think they are funny...when everyone looks at them like...'bless...he's steaming'

[joko]

i think there is a big difference between being flirtatious and actually flirting....

you have to work out which he was doing

[CAJ1]

As others have said, we all do things while drunk that we wish we hadn't done when we wake up in the morning! Perhaps a good start would be to make a compromise that he won't get so drunk in future if that is the way he behaves when plastered and you will let this drop. I never drink more than a certain amount and stay away from aftershocks because it turns me into a psycho lol!

Answer this question - Do you trust him?

Without trust your relationship is nothing. If you say you do trust him then a bit of flirting is nothing to be worried about because you know he wouldn't have taken it any further.

If you're having doubts and feel insecure because you think he might have taken it further then perhaps you both need to sit down and have a chat...