Happy slapping (ggrrr)

[mycatis]

Right my son (aged 9) and his best friend had a fight the other day, he came home cryingand I just comforted him and said, "It's ok, you will be friends tomorrow" kind of thing. Anyway about 10 mins later he told me that another boy, about 13 had filmed it all on his mobile phone, so I went to the boys house to see what happened, and his dad came to the door to see what was going on and because I wanted to see it (before he could delete it) I said "oh it's ok, he isnt in trouble, I just want to see what happened" sooo I saw the film (which he had saved under their 2 names Tom V Jack) Right, I saw it, got my son and his friend to make up and went home. The thing is, the more I think about it, the angrier I'm getting, I mean isn't this basically "happy slapping"? Problem is we live in a tiny village and the boys dad is the school caretaker, so it's hard (I already feel like I don't really fit in) Should I go and speak to him and what should I say? Thank (sorry it's so long) 

[Morrisonker]

i think that if your children have issues with each other and they're under an age which I think allows them to talk about it reasonably (I'm sorry if that sounds a little naive of me, I haven't any kids myself), then it's up to you and the other boys father to talk it out between you and then talk to your sons alone.  I doubt the other parents want to think that their child is stirring up trouble and especially in a small community.  If the other parents get defensive maybe just leave it.  Although, they might not admit that their wee boy did something wrong, they'll probably still give him a talking to. 

[mycatis]

It was my son and his friend who were fighting. They are ok now, friends again, but this other boy is older and filmed it.

[Otrere]

Personally I'd speak to the father of the boy who filmed it. For whatever reason he is getting some kind of sick pleasure from filming two boys fighting and that just isn't right.

[ineedahobby]

I definitely think you should speak to the boys parents, I would be mortified if some warped individual was filming one of my kids during a fight.  I'd basically just explain how much it has upset you and perhaps suggest to the parents that they have a talk with their son and review his leisure activities.

[mycatis]

Thank you, I will talk to the father, but it's trying to find the best way of saying it without seeming agressive

[undercovers]

talk to the father BUT bear in mind that nothing will changefor the better - they are children, and as such you can not impose adult values onto them, children are violent, sadistic and cruel (obviously with exceptions, but generally the ones that are nice will not intervene as to step up is to get knocked down by the majority) and will take pleasure in other children fighting - don't you remember being young and everyone rushing over to watch a fight and shouting "fight, fight fight" - this is the same as it always has been but with a bit more technology... i can see how you compare it with happy slapping - but the emotions behind it are very different - there was no imbalance of power (stronger picking on weaker) and the 13year old didn't set out to humiliate or attack your child he simply witnessed your child getting himself into an unfortunate situation.

I don't want to be mean but instead of focusing on an innocent and normal 13 year old i think you should have a good talking too your son and maybe his friend about not fighting and how to walk away from situations outside his control

[Playboy]

Hello, ive just started 6form, but having been in a secondary school ive seen and heard about fights weekly. 

At each of the fights there has alwasy been people videoing or encouraging the fight. It is so sick but it is natural and all teenagers do it. They think it is funny at the time until they grow up.

I agree the 13 year old is in the wrong and incredibly sick for filming a fight but it is just what teenagers do.

To be fair the only thing you can really do is obviously is talking to your son and telling him that fighting isnt the only answer.

Personally i owuld want to speak to the 13 year olds father, but it is what all children do at that age. They belive it is all a laugh and a joke until its them that is invovled in the fight

I hope your son is ok (",)

[mycatis]

Hhmm, I think you could be right actually undercovers. (See this is why I asked for advice LOL, I keep swinging from one opinion to another)  Maybe I am over-reacting and to be fair the older boy is generally a nice kid, and there was a microphone on the phone and I couldn't hear him egging them on or anything. I think it was actually seeing the video of my boy rolling about fighting that upset me, I've talked to him and his wee mate.
Thanks again everyone x x

[Playboy]

Hello, ive just started 6form, ive been at secondary school and ive seen and heard about fights happening weekly. I hate to say it but teeenagers filming fights and encouraging them is natural, its sick and a horrible thing to do but its as though its the 'new craze'.

Personally i would want to speak to the father of the 13 year old but i can imagine him saying to you, 'i will speak to my son about it, but every teenager does it' and so on.

Filming fights is all fun to teenagers until its them involved in the fight.

I hope your son is o.k

[curiosity]

Whether it's your son's or his peers fault, I still think that I would like to ask the 13year old nice kid why he filmed it. He might say for justice reasons, but I'd still be curious, I'm not saying this is the case, but he could have encouraged it off camera. Rule of thumb probably is that it was a bit of excitement to show his mates,. But I still think (even informally) I would querie why he thought to film it.Just out of interest.

[Gevs1966]

Personally I think you are over reacting quite badly here. Two friends had a fight at school. i can remember that happening quite regularly when I was a kid and is nothing to get really worried about, especially since you say they have made up since.

with regard to the older boy filming it i thin again you are over reacting. Whenever we were on the playground as kids and two younger kids started fighting we would all draw attention to it because when you are that age it is funny. It's not a sick joke and is nothing like happy slapping. It was probably seen by this 13 year old as something amusing and thought he would film it and show his mates.

Please keep this in perspective, as said above it is no different to what used to happen it's just there is more technology around these days.

Going back to speak to this boys parents would achieve nothing accept you maybe being labelled a busy body etc

[Otrere]

Actually I have to disagree with some of the previous posters, I never ran across the playground to watch a schoolyard fight and I am sure that not "everybody" did either. There would probably be a group of around 50 children who were watching and the other 200 or so had better things to do with their time.

[undercovers]

200 people and all condoned the the behaviour through their inaction - this does not make them cruel or unusual it simply makes them young and without a fully formed "civilising process" in place