ABnormal - I seem to recall a lengthy thread in response to your posting a few weeks ago, on similar lines.
If you need to talk to someone, try and find someone who can really help. I know it can be a big help to stay anonymous on a site like this... but nobody here can understand what you are going through in the same way that a trained person can.
Are you in the UK? Call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or visit their website at
http://www.samaritans.org.uk/
If you are in another country, I hope there is a similar organisation there. Talk to someone -- and good luck.