This is a tricky one...

[hippyhoppy]

Some of you may know.. been divorced 4 years (he left me) and have been seeing a lovely (albeit unavailable) chap since August.. Have a healthy relationship with the ex (kids being the main part.. but don't see the point in being vindictive).. Now the ex is 'wanting the old 'me' back and said.. 'that's what I've been waiting for'... So what's next..?! Do I say goodbye to my lovely, unavailable boyfriend and get back with the kids dad.. or do I live life on the shelf, perforated with the odd salacious evening out with the boyfriend.. (who the ex knows nothing about.. why should he..!!?).. Lordy.. this is complicated...!!!

[hippyhoppy]

Yes the 'unavailable' boyfriend is married (known him for 15 years.. used to work together.. not that THAT means owt!) .. And I know I'm going to be hated for that.. but things happen.. Ex rang tonight asking me out on Saturday.. might go (for a free meal... JOKE!) .. ughh,, covered in confusion...

[askyourgran]

I would say goodbye to the lovely unavailable boyfriend, 'Unavailable' is not going to get you anywhere, perforated or not. If the boyfriend is married and or in a relationship with someone else there is unhappiness in store for one of you. The ex doesn't deserve you either, but it you can re-ignite whatever you had before - go for it
not just for the sake of the kids.

[anneasquith]

HH. sorry but an affair with a married man is wrong,

[yogi-bear]

Covered in confusion is understandable at the moment.

And i agree with Cazzzy, hip hop......you are a stunner and deserve the best....not the tat!

The right man that finds you will be a very lucky chap.

Whether you've known this guy for 15, 20, 25 years.......going by what you say, he'll never be yours totally.

I'm sorry for the reality check, sweetheart.....x

[sara3]

hh, I think I'm older than you so I have no hope!

[hippyhoppy]

Sara - you are gorgeous.. so when you get a chap.. chuck is brother my way..!

[NOX]

I would personally keep your options open. My ex left me and got on with her life, I did the same but I would love to have her back- there is nothing weak or foolish in still caring for an ex, it's as valid as anything else. The important thing is for you to decide if you really do want him back- if not then that's one aspect opf your quesiton dealt with. with regards to the boyfriend, life is not so simple as to always be able to say that having a relationship with soemone who is married is automatically wrong- soemtimes there are reasons so don't feel bad about it necessarily- but again decide if that's all you want from life- a half relationship.
Age has nothing to do with you being able to find love or not- my mother in law is 72 and married to a very nice man MUCH younger than her- so you've every reason to believe that there are infinite possibilities for you out there.

[yogi-bear]

^ Seconded.........( but i dont want his brother ta )

[ladybird49]

Im gonna be blunt here ... do you still love him and has he said he loves you ? you met the guy youre seeing now so you might meet someone else in a while , youre only here once why settle for anything as in " just cos hes there " scenario , i wish you happiness in your descision xx

[hippyhoppy]

OK- taken on board what people have said.. is it OK for me to have a platonic relationship with 'adorable boyfriend'..? possibly restart a 'dating' with ex.. see what occurs..?!

[sherrardk]

Your ex probably wants you back as he is now realizing that the grass is not greener (stupid idiot wants to grow up). I think I have posted on one of your Q's before that I don't think you should be with mr unavailable but I can see why you would rather have someone than no one (don't mean that in a nasty way). Hope you get it all sorted out.

[albaqwerty]

my compassion has gone down the swannee hippy. A married man!! jeez. Unavailable yep. His wife finds out then he will then be single but will not be yours. Goodly grief woman.

It is not complicated. You tell the ex to go away and you tell your married twist to berger off. Live your own life for a while.

[hippyhoppy]

Fended for self for 4 years alba.. not a great place to be. so if a friend offers a shoulder to lean on..

[anneasquith]

HH you want a platonic relationship with your married boyfriend, and date your ex who left you ?

[sara3]

I don't think the bloke can now become a mate. I don't think your ex deserves you, but have felt that you've always had a soft spot for him.

dump the bloke, date the ex with no promises.. and don't tell the kids it's back on, it's too early for that x

[coli05anna00]

you cant help who you fall in love/lust with, and it takes two to tango!

[yogi-bear]

After reading your last post, hip hop..................

You say in your original thread post that you have a healthy relationship with your ex and the kids being the main part.

BUT.......do you still have feelings for him?...... and more to the point.... love him?. That's what you gotta ask yourself.

And that's what you gotta figure out, hh..........as for what you do with the "boyfriend", end it and remain just friends, if you feel you must for now ....

Seems you want to give your Ex a chance, but i question his reasons he left you in the first place.

So....go in slowly and see what happens. But if you have no feelings for your ex, and you ask him whether he loves you and he hesitates, or you have a feeling he's not being truthful, you will have to do what you think is best for you.

Agree with the lovely sara

I really hope everything works out for you, hh :0) xx

[albaqwerty]

hiphop you've fended for youself for 4 years. You can do it for longer :)

I didn't mean any disrespect to you btw/ You come across as a strong independant person, kep it that way :) xx

[karenmac60]

Hippy, you know the married b/f is a dead end - he's never going to commit to you fully and you deserve better than that. As for the ex...?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6ZSb5F60R8

[joeluke]

If your ex left you once before then chances are if you got back with him again he would eventually leave you again and you'd be back to square one.

Stick with the married man but keep your options open and look for someone else