Worrying

[smurfchops]

As i get older I seem to worry about everything. Will my children be happy and settle down. Will it rain so should I get prepared to take everything in from the garden. If I walk to the shops will it be too cold or too hot. Why are there so many people I just don't like, and I tend to get a bad attitude towards people when I shouldn't. When I think about it, I am really annoying myself ! is there anything I can do to change my attitude to life - how do I start thinking positively instead of negatively, and if I can think positively will it improve my life ? There is no reason at all why I should be so negative, I have a really lucky happy life with no problems.

[Purple_Popple]

Hi Smurfchops, I could have written that! I feel exactly as you do lately...and I cant seem to shake it off ! It's awful, not sure if it is plain anxiety or what, I have nothing to worry about really....wish I could put my finger on it...

[4getmenot]

if you know you have a really lucky happy life why the worry? Thats how i get through, never argue with my bloke as no point, always treat others how id like to be treated, dont 'try' to be someones friend, if you have to then they arent worth bothering about, and dance out in the rain every now and then, its not that bad.

[albaqwerty]

Smurf, your children will at times be happy, miserable and content. (Not at the same time probably!) If they settle down, is that with a partner/husband/wife or just settle themselves into their own life on their own?
If it rains, leave the washing out, it's a free rinse.
There are too many people you don't like, but the world has loads more who you may like.
Feeling negative at times is a result of being human.

[Mamyalynne]

For each worry or fret that pops into your mind, train yourself to counter it with a good thought.

[smurfchops]

Thanks everyone, you are all so nice ! I just wondered how to do some Positive Thinking (a DVD?) and if it works, and if it is easy to just change one's way of thinking - maybe it is just my hormones!

[DTCwordfan]

true mamya

try some reflection and poetry smurf, even some meditation....and focus on the + points - part of change mgt is focusing on strengths and using those to build on. When you look at commonality and strengths, the negs start to fall into their proper place and can be managed.

mamya, have added to the poetry pool tonight and you are in the verse! Look up the silliness thread in chatter.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh thank you DT, off to look.

Smurf try it, really does help when I have been out of my depth.

[tillyh345]

Smurf that is also like me constantly worrying, r u by any chance menopausal and about 49 and female of course...just a thought. I have been taking St Johns Wort which I think may have helped a little. Apart from worrying, I take on everyones sadness. Any sad news I feel for everyone so much....:-(

So you arent the only one that normally helps a little.

[welshlibranr]

you need to lighten up smurfchops, count yuour blessings, and find a way to enjoy life!...........

[Chaffinch]

Woooooooow, I thought it was just me that felt like that. Glad to know its not (makes me feel a little better). I'm 53 so "all change", but it does get you down at times :)

[DaisyNonna]

Smurf. Not the end of the world if things get wet in the garden. Just don't leave a book there! Take a cardigan to the shops in your shopping bag in case you need it. Just smile at people whether you like them or not. They have no idea what you are thinking. They may talk to you and prove to be likeable. You cannot live your children's lives for them. What makes them happy may not be what you want for them. Let them worry about you. You gave them the gift of life. Now it is theirs to do the best they can. Carry on feeling happy. It's not a crime.

[rowanwitch]

excessive 'worrying' and anxiety can be a symptom of depression, especially as you seem to be having feelings of hostility... it might be worth asking for a referral to a counsellor as there may be something underlying this...maybe from your early years... and its no always possible to change your mood bty 'thinking positively' sometimes you need to get the negative stuff out of the way first.

[andy-hughes]

It's part of the British condition - to moan, and we are very good at it.

Our media press our buttons on a daily basis, and it's so easy to fall into the negativity trap, and hard to get out of it.

It can be done, but it takes a littke mental training.

When you feel worried and negative - go outside, day or night, and look up.

Watch the clouds or stars and let your mind drift and think about how the clouds and stars have been there for millions of years, constant, and utterly unconcernd with the minutia of our lives. it gives you a sense of perspective.

Watch a small child at play, and imagine the total concentration they give to the task in hand - nothing else matters at akk exeopt the moment - an approach we are encouraged to lose, and fill with fretting and worry as we become adults.

With a little practise, you can 'zone out' of your worried world and enter the other world where little matters, and little changes.

Try and section off the things you cannot alter or affect - 99% of your life, and put your energy into what you can affect, your well-being, your family, life around you, and you will start to feel better.

In any conversation where people are moaning, do not join in, to agree, or argue, simply ignore it, rise above it, and you will feel a lot better.

Circoumstances - you cannot change - how you deal with them - you can.

Learn the difference, and act on that.

[Rodge2]

Do you drink a lot of coffee smurfchops?

[smurfchops]

Thanks everyone for all your help. Tilly I'm over 60 now .. had the menopausal bit but could be hormones. Welshlibran, I think I need to train my mind to lighten up sometimes! DaisyNonna you are so helpful, funnily enough I do smile at strangers, and they smile back most of the time! But I do seem to be on the defensive quite a lot, particularly with waitresses and shop assistants and I dont have much patience with anyone, particularly with queues ! Rowan I wondered if it was a sign of depression, sometimes in bed my mind just goes 'mad' and I cant stop thinking and things are whirring in my mind. Andy I will take your advice and Rodge, no, I don;t drink a lot of coffee ! I am going to try and think good thoughts, breathe in positive thoughts and blow out negative thoughts , and try to train my mind. Fingers crossed !

[welshlibranr]

Hope it goes well smurfchops!.........if I feel a bit down, I go for a lovely country walk, or go feed the ducks on our local pond, or go walking on the beach, or use my recentlyt acquired bus pass and go anywhere! I usually find someone to talk to (whether they like it or not!....lol....) but it gets me out of myself, I also go help out at the local PDSA when they need it, gets me out and about, and with nice folk!...........hope you find something to uplift you too.........

[Marijn]

I like the book "How to Be Happy" by Andrew Matthews. It's full of good ideas.

[welshlibranr]

Oh notafish, I'll have a look at that!...........sounds good!.....