Another grump about the inlaws...

[karenmac60]

So today was my daughter's birthday and for the 5th year in a row (since before mr mac and I got married), they neglected to send as much as a card. Previously they have used the excuse that they didn't know when it was but since they gave her a card the first year mr mac and I were a couple and they are VERY organised about these things it just doesn't wash. Mr mac was up there last night and mentioned to his mum and sis that it was daughter's birthday today, and sis was in our work this morning so she had plenty of opportunity to nip to the shop and give a card for her when she was in. It's really hurtful for my daughter - her auntie's ex's mum who has never even met her sends something every year without fail yet these people who have no other children in their family refuse to bother. I could understand if they had no money or something but they are very well off and get cards for absolutely everyone they know except my poor daughter whose only crime is existing! It makes me so bl00dy angry! Rant over.

[Carakeel]

Aw, hugs to your daughter and a belated Happy Birthday to her too! Hope the rant helped a bit, it was definitely called for!! Not nice of them to behave this way. Hope your daughter had a lovely birthday despite them. xxx

[karenmac60]

She did, and I think she's beyond hoping they'll bother with her now, but it is uncalled for. She's a nice girl and she has always tried to be friendly and polite with them but they couldn't care less.
Thanks Carakeel :)

[dotty.]

get your daughter to send them a thank you card for the birthday card and present they sent.

[jno]

for heaven's sake don't let your blood boil over unsent birthday cards. There's no law saying you have to send them, you know. If they wish to show their indifference to you and your family, they're unfortunately entitled. Don't let your daughter think otherwise. Just explain that the people who do send cards are loving her and thinking of her.

I used to get cards from grandma and one auntie; none from granddad (on the other side) and various other aunts and uncles. Didn't worry me a bit, because it never occurred to me I had some sort of right to get them; nor did it occur to them they were under any obligation to send any. They weren't. It isn't a matter of entitlement.

[karenmac60]

I did think about that Dotty - embarrass the hell out of them :) I might just do that!

[welshlibranr]

Oh in laws karen!.......don't get me started!...........they can be so horrid!.......I know!...............we have some prize ones!......hateful folk!....

[JB]

Is it really hurtful for your daughter - or more so for you? I'm not one for cards myself, but my mum takes it upon herself to send cards on my behalf if she thinks its fitting - it drives me wild! Don't make an issue of it (your daughter won't be bothered unless she thinks that you are) and remember that the heartfelt gestures are the ones that count - not the duty driven ones.

[karenmac60]

Jno, this is just the tip of the iceberg and it is deliberate on their part. They have a problem with me and the fact that mr mac married me. The fact that I have a daughter makes it worse as far as they are concerned and they take every opportunity to snub us both. They can snub me all they like, but my daughter has tried to bond with them, suggesting things they could do together etc and every time she tries they snub her again. So it is hurtful to her, and I try to make excuses for them and not let it show that I'm angry, but it gets harder and harder.

[sherrardk]

Karen - totally with you on this one. Your daughter is a child and how adults act around her is teaching her for the future. Just be straight with her (dont dress it up - tell her how you see it). My father in law has put money away for my eldest son but not a penny for our other children (and it is up to nearly 10k now). It makes my blood boil. Hope she had a nice birthday. x

[ladybirder]

karen do you send them a birthday card? And if you do, do you put your daughter's name on it as well?

[Caran]

Hope your daughter had a lovely day with her caring mum, ignore these rude unfeeling people, they don't know what they are missing out on.
Giver her a hug from loving Abers

[jno]

keep your daughter away from them as much as you can; there's clearly no profit and much pain in seeing them. If she isn't led to think she should be getting cards from them, she won't expect them.

I'm not defending their behaviour at all, just suggesting you and your daughter should both ignore it and concentrate on those relatives who do want to see her.

I'm speaking from experience, unfortunately.

[karenmac60]

Ladybirder, not only do we get a card and a present from all 3 of us, but we are expected to take the person whose birthday it is out to their choice of restaurant and pay for their meal (although, they are always much happier if daughter and I can't make it as has happened a couple of times).

[welshlibranr]

Karen, your daughter is a lovely girl, she is trying with them, they can never say otherwise, they have the problem!.....and she will learn about them given time!....more importantly, it won't be you that caused the rift!.......down to them!.........

[karenmac60]

We see very little of them as it is - they always invite us for a meal when they know I'm working late and my daughter is at her dad's, and act surprised when only mr mac turns up even though there are only 3 places set and only meals made for the 3 of them. My daughter doesn't expect cards or presents from anyone, but there's not even a 'happy Birthday' passed on through mr mac or anything - it's the lack of acknowledgement that hurts her.

[ladybirder]

Well in that case I think your daughter is flogging a dead horse unless your husband steps in and says something. But would she want a card that was virtually forced out of them?

[karenmac60]

I doubt it LB, and neither would I. It would be nice if they were thoughtful for once though and sent one because they wanted to. They are so hung up on tradition and doing the right and Christian thing - so it makes them pretty hypocritical if you ask me. Anyway - thanks for indulging me everyone, I'm off to bed now :) xx

[starone]

I feel really sorry for you and your daughter to be ignored like this.I used to send cards every year to my nephew and his family with money tucked inside for each of the children and also Christmas cards. They were never reciprocated so eventually I rebelled and didn't bother. You can go on for so long before it gets too much, and I believe I would be inclined to ignore them and not bother at all. You cannot stop your husband visiting, as it is his mother, but there is no reason why you should do the same.

[SkellieMonster]

It seems to me that it matters very little what you do, or don't do, you're going to be in the wrong.

I would suggest that if they expect to be taken out because it's their birthday, you either take them out at a a time that YOU can manage, or knock the whole idea on the head. Treat them like-for-like and ignore all their birthdays!

If you're feeling mischievous when it's your daughters birthday, and it's time to choose where to eat, tell the in-laws that you've spoken to the restaurant, and if they aren't able to be there in person, not to worry, the bill can be forwarded to them!

Don't be angry, but take a leaf out of Mr T's book and 'Pity the fools'!

Please wish your daughter a Happy Birthday from me, too please! :-)

[Dee Sa]

happy belated birthday to your litle girl.
Your in laws are making it very obvious they dont approve of the match, its hurtful but I would give up trying they obviously take pleasure in hurting you & yours, so rise above it and dont let them know that its gets to you.
Treat them they way they treat you.If the phone say who ? and give frosty replies because being friendly obviously doesnt work.
You are a nice person its their loss.