MAINTENANCE

[mumsie_wumsie]

A bit of advice please...My daughter and her ex partner have three children together ages 10,7 and 4.. For the past 8-9 weeks he has not paid her any maintenance,says he can't afford it !!! For approx 3 weeks of that time he was out of work, but now back in his work. He brings home about £550 a week. His sister controls his money, he tends to 'waste' it, but is leaving him with very little money. He lives in a bungalow belonging to this sister, and pays her rent. Because of being unemployed for a while, he owes her back rent, which she is taking back weekly. However, surely his first priority is to his children. As yet my daughter has not involved the CSA, but this situation cannot go on. The sister has now told the ex that he has to get out of her bungalow.....Advice needed please..Thanks.

[China Doll]

Surely this is up to your daughter to resolve not matter how outraged you may be on her behalf? If she does not want to involve the CSA and money is not forthcoming then there can't be much more she can short of going to a solicitor for advice.

Also, the ex must address his sister regarding where he lives and control of his money which sounds like a seperate situation. I don't think your daugher or yourself can do much about that as it is a serperate matter he must manage.

[mumsie_wumsie]

Chinadoll, thanks for your reply. I know its nothing I can resolve, and I know it is down to my daughter to sort out. But it doesn't stop me wondering what the solution could be, if there is one. Also I do kind of worry about the ex, because I (and my family) have known him since he was 5 years old and he and my kids have grown up together. He and my daughter,are still friends because of the children, and he still pops into my house occassionally, so of course the situation bothers me. I give my advice IF and WHEN its is asked for.

[firebird74521]

People don't look ahead at the nightmares that often follow when breaking up a family with children. Financial disaster is just one of the pitfalls that are very common when breaking up a family. It costs much more to live in two separate homes than one. I don't know about English family laws but no matter where you are only the wealthy can really afford to separate and still expect to live the same. I have counciled many teens of broken homes and taken care of several that were not my own that were homeless because of parents that didn't make their kids happiness the absolute top priority in life.I always tell parents of children that it would be much less painful to smash their kids in the face with a baseball bat than to break up their children's family. The emotional wounds to a child can take years to heal if it ever heals.

[mumsie_wumsie]

Firebird, the children in this case do not and have not suffered due to the seperation of their parents. They live very happily with their mum and they see their dad on a regular basis, each weekend, where they stay with him overnight Saturday-Sunday. The only thing that bothers me at the moment is the lack of maintenance paid for the children, when I feel that this should be the first thing he pays each week.I stress that these are my thoughts and not provoked by any one else. Just wanted other opinions, thats all !!

[ce1987]

The only thing your daughter can do Is contact the csa to get maintanence. Morally he should put his children first financially, but realistically rent has to be paid. If he doesn;t hav a roof over his head then how could he have the children overnight??...good luck

[NOX]

Good grief firebird, whatever has your answer to do with the quesiton.
Mumsie wumsie, of course you worry and and wonder. I would however suggest that your daughter and her ex sit down and try to sort it out amicably as the CSA are a total waste for time and in my one friends case did absolutelky nothing for over 10 years about getting her maintenence sorted out. If things are friendly as you suggest then the best way forward wqould just be for everyone to have a talk and see if they can't iron it out.

[China Doll]

'I always tell parents of children that it would be much less painful to smash their kids in the face with a baseball bat than to break up their children's family.'

^^^ I can absolutely assure you that it wouldn't be less painful for a family member to 'smash' a child in the face with a baseball bat than it would be for them to walk out the door but have two loving and stable parents.

What an utterly pig ignorant thing to say. <Eyeroll>.