The latest family put down

[numnum]

I've been on here a number of times about my partners family ... well the latest thing that was said the other day

my SIL was round with her little one whos the same age as my eldest. i've asked a few times if she wants to come and play so that my eldest has a friend over but she seems strange or doesnt turn up

so the other day when she was leaving my partner asked his sister if shed like to bring her daughter over the next day for a playdate. which she said no, to which he said why not 'so and so' (my friend whos a teacher) kids are always at each others houses to which she replied I'm not a qualified teacher like her!!! to which my boyfriend said I worked in a nursery for a year and had still keep in touch with the boss (if i was that bad a person would the boss still speak to me)

so after a quick oh yeah from his sister and topic change i was in a rage. thankfully she was leaving when all this was getting said

she's no better than me, she's got everyone running around helping her, doesn't work, she's baked once in 3 years with her daughter, never even painted with her yet me who never gets help, runs my own business and manages very well, bakes, paints on a weekly basis and has daily activities isn't capable to have her child round for a playdate isn't qualified enough.

i told my teacher friend and she was in shock. she even said she'd trust me more with her kids than other folk and you cant always trust someone just becasue there a teacher

i want to say something about this but dont want to cause bad feeling. how would you have reacted?

[boxtops]

I don't understand why your SIL thinks someone has to be a teacher in order for their children to play together - it sounds like that's an excuse.

[boxtops]

^ In any case, you don't only have to play with your relatives - if your SIL doesn't want her daughter to place with yours, why don't you invite other children round instead? Surely there are other mums who'd be glad to have their child play with yours?

[Old_Geezer]

I don't think you should get het up about it all. It's not compulsory to socialise within the family. If they don't want to know that's their choice. I think you are being too sensitive. If they don't want to know, then, "blow 'em". Should be no skin off your nose.

[boxtops]

IMO, you seem to do a lot with your child - perhaps she's fearful that her own child will go home afterwards and ask why she doesn't do all those things with her, too. As O_G says, family socialising isn't compulsory - I wouldn't give it any more thought, let your daughter find other friends outside the family circle.

[B00]

"how would you have reacted? "

Afraid I'd still be in hysterical laughter.

[Tizzi24]

What oldgeezer says is right - if your SIL doesn't want to let her kids come over, don't worry about it. Your kids surely have some other friends?

Perhaps its just that your SIL doesn't like you for some reason - life is too short for all this worrying. Let her get on with it.

[numnum]

I know boxtops. I used to live with a Religious Education teacher and thought it would be a fine calm flat. I was wrong, there was different guys in her room every other night, out clubbing with students. She was nice but wild

It is very strange. I've left my wee one there in the past but now I'm stopping since she's not willing to meet me half way. Its not fair on my little girl not having friends round to play with her toys

We live in a small place so I thought it would be easier to make the effort with family since there at the same playgroup together. But now I'm giving up and actually going to start focusing on proper friends

Just the other day I had 7 kids from the street in the garden ages from 3-5 which she knows about and it wasn't a big deal, we played, had a snack no problems

[numnum]

also there friends as well and are at that age now where they're asking about going friends coing over

i wish i wasn't in so much shock when she said it or i think i'd have asked her what she meant

theres only about 10 of them that'll be in her class at school so not a huge selection of kids so want them all to get on

[boxtops]

Great - it can get very insular if kids only ever play with family, much better to give them the wider experience. I wouldn't worry about it. As the saying goes "you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family" - let your children have a wider choice.

[redcrx]

where has she said she doesnt trust you? perhaps she just doesnt want her child going on play dates or has heard you going on about doing everything with your child and working full time.
Maybe she just feels inadequate?
has your eldest not got other friends that you can invite over instead?

[bednobs]

you can still ask her!
from your other post, i wonder if she is worried about the way your children are behaving and dosen't want her daughter exposed to it (or her daughter injured by a flying toy?)

[numnum]

to her, her little one is just as much a handful and she has never really seen my little monkey in action because she's never here

thats why i'd like a friend over. theres more of a playtime between them for so long, when another little one is over

my other sil lives far away so only see every now and again but she's even left her little one, who is also the same age.

although my youngest is a handfull i see it as another phase that we'll work through and we still do lots of things, paint, bake, walks, out for meals, asda shop, but i see it as you just have to get on with it, get up in the morning before them, get the hair and make up done and get ready for your day

we do speak about our kids behaviour but i dont see it as a bad thing just another challenge and something well have lots of stories to tell when there older, like i said just another phase where she'd always moaning about her kids running them here and there. where to me thats what you do when your a parent. if you know what i mean. dont think i'm explaining what i'm thinking well

considering all i do i cope very well even with my recent tragic events in life you just have to get on with it.

she does have other friends which i'll definately make more of an effort with

[joko]

you seem a bi to bsessed with small details, like she doesnt bake, like you do, or paint like you do...you seem to expect her to do what you want ... you clearly dont exactly like her much either...so why are you so shocked and outraged that she doesnt seem to like you much either?

perhaps she doesnt want someone that monitors what she does with the kids and notes what she doesnt do, or someone who expects her to behave the way she expects and wants to just get on with her own stuff...

you cant like everyone and everyone cant like you...

[numnum]

i'm not that fussed she doens't bake, paint etc but its that I do and it does show that her child would be well amused and not left un-attended

i think she does like me because she phones asking us round to her house and things like that and recently aseked me on a night out but unfortinately I had food poisoning so couldn't go. but that isn't what someone does if they don't like you

i'm getting over it and just giving up with that side of the family. my partners other sister leaves her kid here so I'm just going to make the effort with them

we've even got my partners other teenage kids staying with us and they are begining to ask why their aunty isn't coming over and asking questions