I don't trust my boyfriend

[Eli79]

Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. We live together and we get on great. Sex life is great and we rarely ever argue.
I've had issues in the past with ex Boyfs cheating on me. So I do have some trust issues. But recently I was starting to really trust him.
I noticed a message came up on his phone from a girl he used to sleep with b4 me. He promised me he didn't speak to her anymore so I was a bit curious about it.
So I had to look at the msg. To my horror he has been txting her for months. And recently dirty txting.
We had a huge argument about it all. And he nearly moved out.
He promised me he made a mistake and he loves me and wants to be with me. So we are trying to work thro it. I really love him but my trust in him is totally shattered. He is a good looking guy and gets lots of attention at the best of time.
My confidence is down the drain now. And I don't no how to feel better about all this.
Should I trust him? Will he do it again? I just don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

[Sqad]

pa_ula

That is your experience, your opinion and i respect that.

My definition of "cheating" is an extra marital affair, a one night stand, a massage parlour with "extras, an escort girl or the services of a hooker.

Do you agree with my definition?

Now, over 30% of marriages end in divorce and the vast majority are due to infidelity (cheating) on behalf of the husband. So we start with a cheating baseline of 30%
Now with the fact that in the second marriage the divorce rate is even higher and the use of massage parlours, escort girls is mushrooming, are you really telling me that the 70% of men left are ALL celibate as described above.?

Now even if half were celibate ( a figure seems low to me, but i will accept for this discussion) 35%....cheat.

Add that 35% to the divorced 30% and you get a figure of 65%...the majority b anyone's definition.

One could argue that these figures indicate that it is the same 35% that are cheating and my answer would be ...."yeah! right"

[LoftyLottie]

Paul, what a wise posts. I think you are absolutely right in what you say. Bless you. Fortunately most guys have more moral fibre. And women are just as likely to stray as men. We all fancy other people and like flattery, it's absolutely normal, but most of us would not cheat on our partners if we have any respect for them.

[LoftyLottie]

And Eli79, if you have been with your boyfriend for only a year and he is alreading excahnging 'dirty' texts with an ex girlfriend then, in my opinion, you cannot trust him, and the relationship won't last. He is not ready for an adult settled relationship. I think you moved in together far too early - but that seems to be the way things are these days.

[ummmm]

Sqad....what annoys me is the fact that use every opportunity to spout your cheating stats. There are some threads you shouldn't enter.

[LoftyLottie]

ummmm, I think they are exaggerated!!

[giveup]

Dump Him

[Sqad]

ummmm.....fine....instead of whingeing dispute them.

Lofty can give her opinions without a shred of basic statistical evidence and because you agree with her, then mine should be unaccepted in a thread. But you and Lofty should be allowed to present yours.....sounds fair.


Fine....I won't lose any sleep over it.

[LoftyLottie]

Anyone who saps your confidence is not worth staying with. You are never going to be happy with him again now this has happened. Call it a day.

[ummmm]

I've split up from long term relationships where no cheating is involved.

[LoftyLottie]

Evidence Sqad? My 'evidence' is what I have ascertained from my own varied life experience and from seeing what goes on and talking to people. I think you are completely out of touch with todays male/female relationships. Young men these days don't act like the chauvanists of your generation. You don't have a very high opinion of women in my opinion.

[woofgang]

Oh stop messing around. Dump the cheating barsteward and get on with your life. You are worth better.

[Sqad]

lofty.....well i would support your effort to state your opinion, that is more than ummmm is suggesting for my opinions.

[Brinjal]

If you dont trust him move on. Once trust is gone it never comes back. I can think of nothing worse than a lifetime of mistrust. Check phones emails etc just looking for evidence. and when you find what you are looking for then you are hurt. Move on. also you need to deal with your trust issues. but generally I am of the opinion that if you have suspiscions you are usually correct.

[ummmm]

Sqad....I don't care if the stats are actually worse. A young lady has come on here feeling insecure with trust issues. It's very mean of you to not take that into consideration before answering questions like this.

[grasscarp]

I have a respect for Sqad. Something he said on here the other day about men and women was absolutely spot on in my case. Not everyone may agree with him, but I would say that he is very often right.

[pa___ul3]

sqad, wasn't around yesterday evening to answer you but ummm has stressed my main point, I think Eli79 needs support, not her doubts intensified, after all, we don't know the lad, we can't judge him by looking at thrown together stats. He could be a really nice ladled astray momentarally by some attention seeking hussy (love that word!) and now completely regretting it ... or he could be a lying sneak.. that's for Eli to judge.
To answer you abou the stats took too long, but I would argue it is largely the same blokes doing it all, you said yourself 'they have a few on the side'. I won't disagree with your figures too much, but I'd say roughly 35% do, another roughly 35% have..but not necessarily will again (although I won't say they won't it's just not something they "do"), and around 30% haven't and won't.. because good guys do exist and they're not all just the ones too ugly to get anything else so they settle for what they can get and are grateful!!

[Eli79]

Thanks for all ur comments and advice. But I def don't agree with squad. Most guys don't cheat. I have two brothers who love their partners and wouldn't dream of cheating.
So if u think all guys cheat why bother having relationship at all?!
I have given him a second chance cos he hasn't done it b4 and he didn't physically cheat.
Yeah my trust is gone. But it's something's he agrees he wants to get back with me.
I love him. Yes I may live to regret giving him a second chance. But u never no till u do.

[chrissy847]

I agree with woofgang.