who gets my children if i die?

[danielle92]

Hi I have two sons, a 4 and a half year old and a 13 month old. My eldest son has no contact with his father or family and i recieve no maintenance for him, he isn't on the birth cert either. my youngest son does see his father, he doesnt pay maintenance but he is on the birth certificate. however my 13 month olds father isn't exactly very good, he has on several occasions admitted to having friends round whilst lookin after my son and having a drink and gettin stoned. also he has on many occasions said that my son has gotten up to mischief whilst he was playin games on his laptop. i have told him numerous times to stop this but he doesnt seem to listen. If i were to die i would like my mother to take care of BOTH my children, (because aswell he lives next door to a drug dealer) i want her to look after them because she will bring them up in the right way and she will be able to buy them what they need, he cant even afford nappies!.. now what i need to know is if i make a will and put my mum down as the guardian for both my children? even if the father to my youngest insists that my youngest lives with him would it stand in court?.. Im mainly askin because my eldest is very close with my youngest whch is natural and i wouldnt want them seperated, if my youngests father was to have custody of him then the only way my eldest would see his little brother was if he went to my youngest dads house, but sayin that my eldest hates my ex which is why i broke up with my ex, because i could tell what it was doin to him. please help.

[Mamyalynne]

I am hoping that someone with legal expertise sees your post tomorrow, but surely if you made all the reasons for your choice of Guardianship clear the courts would take those into consideration.

Try to sleep well tonight and do not let it prey on your mind till you get proper advice.

♥

[Buenchico]

You need to write a will, specifying who should become the legal guardian of your children if you were to die.

Your will wouldn't be totally legally binding as anyone who had concerns about the welfare of your children (e.g. 'Social Services') could still apply to a court to have alternative arrangements put into place, but it would give considerable weight to your own choice.

This is relevant:
http://www.advicenow....hildren,10166,FP.html

Chris

[roxie_09]

A thing I learnt in uni is that although a person may be the child biological father, doesn't automatically give them parental responsibility, so if it was written in your will about your parents, this 'should' take precedence over what the fathers say. Not completely positive how it works though x

[Buenchico]

Roxie:
The father of Danielle's youngest son will have automatic parental responsibility because his name appears on the child's birth certificate:
http://www.direct.gov...entsRights/DG_4002954

[danielle92]

thankyou for your replies. it helps alot just want confirmation that my mum would get them, i highly doubt i will die as im young and healthy. But i do get far to paranoid about death and what happens to my children if i die, thats why im going to get a will so i can have piece of mind if such an incident happened. x

[roxie_09]

Chris, when I was doing it in uni (not saying it can't be wrong) but
To have full parental responsibilty the mother and father must be married at the time of the child being born and his name to be
On the birth certificate x

[bagpuss63]

You need to get offical advise-40 years ago I was adopted by my real Mums brother (was scared of him) a year ago my cousin told me(dying in hospital) she told everyone I wasn't to go to him-but I did. You have to stop his Dad getting him...

[Buenchico]

Roxie:
Since 1st December 2003 (in England and Wales, or slightly later in Scotland or Northern Ireland) 'jointly registering' the child's birth automatically gives the father parental responsibility. (See the link in my 2nd post, above)

[RAV1D]

Hopefully Your children won't be children when you die,They will be old enough to fend for them self's and maybe even be looking after you by then. I wouldn't worry bout it.

[VHG]

More bad advice from RAV1D (second one I found today).

Of course you are right to worry about it, Your youngest child is just over a year old so it will be 17 years before they are an adult.

A lot can happen in 17 years so you are right to at least get something sorted out.

If we all did what RAV1D says none of would ever make a will.

[icemaiden]

Hi Danielle.

I was in the same boat as you, worried sick what will happen to my daughter when I die. So I went to a solicitor and made a will. Her Dad left us when she was 3 months old, I wasn't married to him but his name is on the birth certificate. She is 11 now and he has never tried to get in contact with her and I have never contacted him.

I stated in my Will three Guardians for her if I pass away before she is 18. I know you mention your Mum, and I have put my Mum as one too, but she is no spring chicken and if she dies before me , I know that I have a back up plan with the other two Guardians.

It's a relief when things are set in stone. (As good as anyway) Do it sooner rather than later.

x

[chelle7272]

danielle, I was in a similar position when I divorced my son's father when my son was 1 year old. Although he does still see my son (nopw 15) he has not been a great father, is not s good person and has never contributed to his upbringing

At the time of the divorce I was advised to do what has been suggested here. I made a will naming my parents as guardians and other relatives as second guardians just in case. As icemaiden says it is a relief to know you have done something to safeguard their future, and you should do it as soon as you can x