dilemma again

[4getmenot]

Why oh why do people confide in me and feel the need to tell me things. Yesterday a mate started going on about problems between her and her sis, I am good mates with her sis so just told her I dont take sides and its difficult for me to be in the middle. Then today a mate has told me something and asked me to not tell anyone, anyway I really think someone should know. She could end up losing her job otherwise or at worse her life. Dont know what to do.

[boxtops]

oh dear, why do people do this? It's as if they have to unburden - but all they do is pass the monkey from their back to yours, so you end up carrying everyone's monkeys....
Is what you learned today illegal, or dangerous - should you whistleblow anonymously on your mate?

[4getmenot]

she is well behind on work and I think if the boss knew her problems at home they may lay off her. Last week she was 'ill' but I know she wasnt

[ummmm]

What do you mean 'her life'?

[DTCwordfan]

suicide

[4getmenot]

she was off because she had a big bruise on her face where her bloke had headbutted

[DTCwordfan]

if it impacts on her work and there is a serious risk to her well being, I would go and see a Co Director, preferably the HR one. They will have the resources to help her......and it doesnt necessarily mean a firing, particularly if she is a valued employee.

You could be saving her life........

[ummmm]

Jesus....is he likely to do worse?

[4getmenot]

he has done worse than that. He put an iron to her body other week burning her badly. he is a heavy drinker. She wont leave as he is now getting help, but he keeps riing all the time and she keeps having to interupt her work. I may just ask the boss to have a word with her as I think she has problems and not actually sy what and maybe then she will open up to her

[starone]

Same as ummmm. What can you do about it? Why do women stay in these situations? The only way that men are superior to women is in physical strength and anyone who uses this against women are the worse kind of - sorry I can't think of a word bad enough.

[4getmenot]

another mate has told her to leave and even offered a place to stay but she wont. She also said she cant go home as her parents didnt like when she moved in with him and she doent want to go crawling back. I said surely they'd like to see her on the doorstep rather than the police giving them bad news

[ummmm]

Beyond help I think 4get. If someone burns you with an iron and you still won't leave. Beyond talking to...

[ummmm]

As sick as it sounds....some women get off on this. She's been given an escape route...

She probably wants to change him....

[4getmenot]

i think he is beyond help. Its like she thinks she is worthless and has to try and help him. I told her he can only help himself, that shile she's there and is able to spend all her wages then he will carry on drinking.

[4getmenot]

really dont think she gets off on it ummm. But she is a person that wants to help everyone.

[Midnightrider]

Very difficult situation. There's an old saying that you can't help those who don't want to be helped, and you say this lady likes to help people. It's unfortunate that these are the same people who often wind up dead for not giving up on their lost cause. Do the police know about this individual for want of a better name for him? Because to prosecute him could be taken out of her hands if he does anything again. Do you know what sort of help he's getting? he needs drying out and anger management (and if I had my way, his card marked with some of his own treatment, see how he likes it). I can't for the life of me understand why these women stay with beaters and bullies. By staying she's 'allowing' him to do what he wants, that is use her as a punchbag when thing aren't right. Their relationship will end sooner or later, more than likely sooner, with her being carried out in a pine box, and the sooner she realises this, the better.

[4getmenot]

not sure what help he is getting, think tablets but he's still drinking, and he gets violent if her cant get any, after he had spent all her wages he got angry and she went and stole from a shop because there was no money. I've warned my mate that said she could stay with her that although its a nice thing to do she shouldnt because she has children and he might try find the girl there and that would be putting her children in danger. I've tried finding out who this person is just incase she doesnt turn up one day at work. I can often understand why people with children etc dont want to split a family up, but she hasnt been seeing this guy that long.

[Barmaid]

4get, that's a horrible "secret" to have to carry.

Why not seek some advice from someone like this:-

http://www.womensaid....tion=0001000100220041