I don't like my step-daughter...

[Meg888]

Not very nice, I know, but it's how I feel about her at the moment. I've been with her dad for 7yrs since she was 8 and she's now 15. He has an 8 yr old son and I have a 14 yr old daughter - both of whom are great and well behaved. My step-daughter used to be so sweet and considerate - now she's just spiteful and selfish. Her mother is a nasty, manipulative sort with no respect for my partner, and she is turning exactly the same way. She talks to her dad like he's scum, expects us to cater for her every whim and then goes off on one big style when it doesn't go her way. I keep telling myself it's her hormones, but all I see when she acts like this is her mother (we've had loads of problems with her over the years, she's really bitter and calls my partner names to the kids). She has been like this for about 3yrs, so I suppose it does tie in with her hormones, but now I'm at the stage where I've had a rage simmering in me now for almost a year with her. I don't argue with her, I tend to just keep my mouth shut because if I blow with her - the whole street will know about it! but it infuriates me the way she treats her dad, our house and sometimes my daughter. She comes in looking down her nose at us and it's now starting to cause countless arguments between my partner and I, as he seems to be terrified of upsetting her. We even almost broke up over it at one point, which is not fair, because this aside, we are very close. I'm getting to the point now, where I'm looking forward to her getting older and hopefully she wont want to come up as much (we live 30 miles away from them - but they stay 1 night per week). She has never been treat any different by me to my daughter, they all get the same treatment for birthdays etc., they each have their own room in our house and we respect their privacy, and I ensure my daughter does too. Any advice on how to go forward on this will be appreciated, as I dread each weekend she comes and I feel like I'm having world war 3 with her in my head!! TIA

[Nosha123]

I'd also point out to her what you said above "her Dad, who has never let her down, yet her Mum has many times"
Make her start to see he isnt so bad.. and why is she being so horrible to him...

If her best friends at school treated her like that - what would she do.. Feel hurt and stop being their friend I suspect! Ask her how she thinks it makes her dad feel. Is she proud of herself that she uses words to try to hurt his feelings when he wants to be spending precious time with her and her brother. its also unnacceptable that he treats them both differently. Surely the little boy will realise and resent it too! Thus creating even more bitterness?

[Smowball]

Nosha, what a good idea.

[CuriousGeorge]

Just don't let her get her own way, if she wants to sulk and scream, let her...walk out of the house and go for a walk. Let her dad deal with it. She'll only blame you for interfering. Then just sit her down and explain that you don't think of her any differently to your own kids, you love her, but you're not gonna let her get away with murder. Maybe ask her if she has a problem and try and resolve it, but just lay down your rules. She may be his daughter, but it's you she's disrespecting.

[miazmo-1951_]

looks like its time to fight fire with fire. treat others as you expect to be treated. therefore start treating her the same way she treats you until she gets the message after all its only one day per week. run it by your partner 1st.

[s100]

if you want me to be perfectly honest i very much doubt she will change untill she grows up. my parents split when i was 12 and i was a teenager from hell there was not a day that went past were are house wasnt like a riot and i was a nasty selfish little girl. but now i have great relationships with both parents and parents partners i think because i grew up and got a life of my own my mum chucked me out 5 times, stopped giving me pocket money, gounded me literally nothing worked apart from time. I would talk to your partner and tell him that he needs to have a seriouse talk with her to tell her how much she is upsetting him but i would leave it too him because if you get invloved that could potentially make things alot worse.