Can't stop thinking about my ex

[fakename]

Ok, a long story but here goes.

I was going out with my ex for less than a year and parts of the relationship were great and parts weren't. The good (just) outdid the bad. She was wilder than me and liked to drink a lot and wasn't the nicest drunk. We were pretty young at the time - about 19-20. She became distant for the last month of the relationship and afterwards I found out that she had cheated a few days before she ended it.

A few months after we broke up, I started going out with my current girlfriend at the time was a really close friend that I had known for years. The relationship is great, we're together 5 years, travelled the world, and just over 6 months ago emigrated to England and moved in together for the first time.

But from time to time I've always found myself thinking about my ex. The strange thing is that since we broke up we were in pretty constant contact via e-mail which I was always fine with. But over the last few months I've found myself thinking about her more and more. We met for a drink the other night, (I was home for a visit) first time I had seen her in about 2 years and after I felt like I was falling for her all over again.

I really don't know who to talk to as being so far away from home I don't have anyone to confide in here. Everything should be great for me and my girlfriend, our move went well, we've both got good jobs (mine is an amazing start to my career) and we've got a really nice flat together but I feel so unhappy all the time. My ex still lives in my hometown and I know that professionally and personally it doesn't offer me a lot.

Please say that this is just a natural reaction to the pressure of emigration/moving in together as I'm at the end of my tether and don't know what to do. The last thing I want to do is hurt my girlfriend.

Thanks to everyone who read the whole thing, it wasn't meant to be this long but once I started

[China Doll]

Sounds to me fakename like you've hit the nail on the head yourself. Moving can be very stressful and it's perfectly natural to hark back. Also, even though your move is entirely positive from the sounds of things it's still a new future and lettng go of the past and that can be frightening. You're also a long way from friends and family.

Just keep concentrating on all the wonderful things you have and I'm sure you'll soon settle down. Perhaps broadening your social horizons when you start working too.

Chin up, this will get better.

[banjosister]

Hey Fakename,

I think you will always spend time reminiscing but generally speaking you are not thinking of the bad times. I have recently split from my long term boyfriend and I am thinking of all the good things. Not the fact that he regularly let me down or that he's an addict.

I focus so much on the fact that he's faithful (never had that in a partner before) that I ignored the other 'bad stuff'.

As the others have said moving is vey stressful, I imagine emigrating must be much more stressful.

It sounds like you have just got yourselves settled into a new life and you feel as if something is missing. Do you socialise much?

Also remember it is up to you to make you happy, not anyone else!

Good luck and I hope this helps in some way.

BB xx

[angelbug]

First off- I don't think of your ex as a cheater because she never intended to stay in the relationship- as you stated she was distant and in her head the relationship was probably already over when she crossed lines and then she appropriately broke up with you afterwards.

Do you and your current girlfriend have passion? Does she make you happy? The older I get the more certain I am that this is what matters in life.

Just because you have been with someone for five years and have moved in together in another country does not mean that you have to be with this person forever.

if you are thinking about your ex now it's not just going to go away... you are thinking about this person because you have a void in your current relationship that needs to be filled. you have to ask yourself- what do i get from emailing my ex that i don't already get from the girl that i am living with? think hard- beause there has to be something.

Odds are that both chicks are the wrong one for you.

[sogudsam]

I think we always remember the good parts of a past relationship and think it can be better a second time around. A case maybe of the grass is greener, but it may not be.
Maybe you have a lot of mixed emotions with your move.
If this current girl is close to you and you have lots of common interests she could be the best for you and she came with you to the other side of the world.
I try to do lists good and bad to come up with answers.

[firmbutfair]

If your relationship with your ex was going to work, it would have in the first place. The fact that she cheated on you and then ended it tells you all you need to know. Move on. Cutting contact with people who're bad for you is very hard, but the hardest things are sometimes the most worth while. Going cold turkey and not contacting your ex will do you the world of good. It's not going to happen. Moreover, the fact that you're unhappy now may even mean that the person you're currently with isn't the right person either. There are plenty more people to chose from. Sometimes it helps to look outside the box. Your current girlfriend is a person too and staying with her isn't fair if your heart's not in it, especially after she's given up so much to be with you. You need to be honest with her and yourself. Something I've learnt. Harsh I know, but maybe a different take on things. Think carefully about how you really feel and be honest with yourself. Hope this helps.

[jimmyheacs]

gonna give you a bit of advice and trust me it works for every problem that u dont want on ur mind, at the first instance that ur ex pops into ur head start to think about a sink tap, use ur amigination to make the tap start running on full and slow it down untill there is a only a few drops coming out it will be hard at first but keep at it , do this with will power and i promis it will work, its will stop u thinking about ur ex for that moment and after a week of doing this you will start to realize that u dont think of ur ex as much anymore and after 2 weeks you will realize those memorys are being washed away from ur mind and u will start to feel happy again, after a month or even sooner for some u will not even think of ur ex coz all those memorys have been replaced with new ones. think ur self lucky i read this coz i have been through ur pain but i had to pay for that advice and i think all people should be able to have it for free, good luck