Eating Dosorder/Mental Health Advice...

[DesperatelyLost]

I have Bulimia Nervosa and in the last four years it has gotten progressively worse, to the point where it is affecting me every single day. I have also been hospitalised through its effects for a couple of days. Despite being in hospital, it was me who sought help from my GP on my own, (who has been very understanding, although not very proactive) almost a year ago. I was referred for group therapy which I was dreading, but still went to. Unfortunately, I couldn't relate to anyone within the group and felt very alone, as their problems were all very different from my own (but similar to one another's) and it was very basic: mostly information about "good" and "bad" foods, and nothing I wasn't already aware of. I stuck it out and attended every session, but it's been six months since the Stage One group ended, I'm still waiting to hear about the next group of the course and I feel like I'm right back at the beginning.

I'm so angry and frustrated with myself that I can't make myself better; it's all I want. It all sounds so easy, but I just can't do it. I wake up determined every day, but there's something inside me that makes me fail and resort to binging and purging. My immediate family and a couple of my friends are aware of my problem, but I can't bear to talk about it, as I am so ashamed, disgusted and embarrassed about it. I know they care and want to help, but I can't make myself open up.

Dos anyone have any experience of this? I am so deperate to get better, I just don't know how to go about it, and I feel like it's slowly driving me mad. I have private healthcare through work, but I'm too terrified of my employers finding out about my problem to even enquire whether this is something they could help me with.

I know the statistics say this is a common problem, but I think my case is so extreme, I feel so alone; lost and on my own.

I'll be grateful for anything.
Thank you.

[DONNA1458]

I got ill three years ago and it was hard to put a label on what I was but most people would have said I was anorexic, I had dropped from 10st to six stone in a very short period of time, I like you didn't have anyone to relate too no one was going through what I was going through and tell me how to get better. I can not tell you one thing that will make it all ok what it takes is lots of little steps. I was offered to go to the priory for £4000 a week to help me but decided not to the money was not an issue I just didn't want to succeed in beating it with help then that help go and be on my own again I didn't trust myself to keep it up. I will tell you what I did and it has worked for me but not all of it may help you but if any part does its a bonus.

I stayed with my mum first of all I was 27 moving back home not good, My mum would get me complan because it wasn't as scary as eating so I would drink that and build myself up, scales in the house were banned.

I would everyday with the first half an hour writing down all the bad bits of being that way and what one little thing i was going to do that day that I wouldn't do before. i.e have full fat milk in my tea. tiny people think but massive to me then but i would push myself to have one brew like this each day.

I hated the smell of food I would retch, I hated the texture of foods, so the things that i though I would managed I would task myself to do in my book and cross them off each week.

Keep things small because as soon as I eat too much I would make myself feel sick then go and be sick.

Little portions as often as you can at first then don't increase the portion size just increase the amount of times u have your mini meals so not to overface yourself.

Then start adding extra foods in that you concider to be fatty but hide them in what your eating so you can't see them, melted cheese in mash for example.

I am now 10stone again it took two whole years but I am gald I did it, i didnt have private medical and didn't get any support from the nhs they didn't even help me just told me to eat more, i already knew that so had no faith in them and still don't.

If you have got private medical through work it may be a different in the support and help they give and all medical is confidential your work would never find out.

I hope this helps a little there is a way out but you need to take the control and turn it around one day at time. x