Firstly I am a carer in a nursing home and have been there for nearly 15 yrs and am shocked to hear the nursing homes response regarding your uncles feet being swollen and that your aunt looks after him !! that is disgusting, as a nursing home it is their responsibility to look after your aunt and uncle.
As you are so far away you are you need to make enquiries about a social worker acting on your relatives behalf and li8asing with you.
If you feel your relatives needs aren't being met at the home speak to the manager expressing your concerns in a calm way,and if you aren't satisfied and things dont get resolved quickly regarding the t.v take it to the care standard commission.
Regarding the provision of drinks for you as visitors, if you are there when drinks are given out it should be common courtesy for staff to ask you.
Good relationships with family is so important to the well being of anyone in care.
Hope this situation gets resolved soon and and your aunt and uncle get the care they deserve and this settles you and your mum.
I am so passionate about care for the elderly that I am giving you my email so if I can be of further help you can contact me and I really would like to hear that things get sorted x
[email protected]
Your aunt and uncle are lucky having someone like you to look out for them,some elderly people have no one.