ChatterBank5 mins ago
Feeling so unbelievely miserable.
50 Answers
I apologise ahead of this post, as I'm going to be a right whinger. Particularly when you consider that I should be happy, as I have a lot of stuff going for me.
I have had problems with my breathing for as long as I can remember. I can never breath as fully as I feel like I should be able to, and I am constantly bring up phlegm everyday. I always feel tired, despite trying to get enough exercise (I just end up dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out). I have gone to the doctors so many times, with the 'diagnosis' of asthma before they'd bothered to consult an asthma nurse. Eventually I saw one, and was on medication for a few months, to which I never improved. But the doctors seem to refuse to consider another option.
I'm at university at the moment, studying a topic that I don't really enjoy. But I am unsure if that is the case or if it is because I'm struggling with the work. I have no motivation and I am certain that I will fail, or come out with a low end degree that will get me nowhere. But too afraid to leave for appearing a failure or regretting it in the future. I've given up a job I really enjoyed in order to concentrate on university work.
I have a house and a husband, which means I feel like I need to be doing housework all the time. My husband works really hard so I don't have to work, which makes me feel awfully guilty. And whatsmore I have been diagnosed with vaginismus, and haven't had sex with my husband in almost a year, we're going through couples therapy in order to try and sort it, but I feel guilty and un-woman-like for being unable to do things for my husband.
To top it off, we have a nightmare pooch who misbehaves all the time, stealing things etc, and he just bit me :(
Sorry its so long, but I just need to rant a bit, as I don't feel like I can explain all this to anyone at the moment. As I'm struggling to find anyone who understands. My family and friends think I should just get on with university that I'm bright and that I can do it.
I've had therapy and CBT which has helped me a lot, especially for anxiety, but at the moment the sadness I'm suffering is unbearable. When the dog bit me, I think I got a bit of panic/adrenline, walked up to the medicine cabinet and thought about taking them, I'm just tired.
Thank you.
I have had problems with my breathing for as long as I can remember. I can never breath as fully as I feel like I should be able to, and I am constantly bring up phlegm everyday. I always feel tired, despite trying to get enough exercise (I just end up dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out). I have gone to the doctors so many times, with the 'diagnosis' of asthma before they'd bothered to consult an asthma nurse. Eventually I saw one, and was on medication for a few months, to which I never improved. But the doctors seem to refuse to consider another option.
I'm at university at the moment, studying a topic that I don't really enjoy. But I am unsure if that is the case or if it is because I'm struggling with the work. I have no motivation and I am certain that I will fail, or come out with a low end degree that will get me nowhere. But too afraid to leave for appearing a failure or regretting it in the future. I've given up a job I really enjoyed in order to concentrate on university work.
I have a house and a husband, which means I feel like I need to be doing housework all the time. My husband works really hard so I don't have to work, which makes me feel awfully guilty. And whatsmore I have been diagnosed with vaginismus, and haven't had sex with my husband in almost a year, we're going through couples therapy in order to try and sort it, but I feel guilty and un-woman-like for being unable to do things for my husband.
To top it off, we have a nightmare pooch who misbehaves all the time, stealing things etc, and he just bit me :(
Sorry its so long, but I just need to rant a bit, as I don't feel like I can explain all this to anyone at the moment. As I'm struggling to find anyone who understands. My family and friends think I should just get on with university that I'm bright and that I can do it.
I've had therapy and CBT which has helped me a lot, especially for anxiety, but at the moment the sadness I'm suffering is unbearable. When the dog bit me, I think I got a bit of panic/adrenline, walked up to the medicine cabinet and thought about taking them, I'm just tired.
Thank you.
Answers
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Don't know where to start here but one thing stands out.
You have given up a job you really enjoyed to go to uni and study a subject you do not really like or feel able to cope with.
I would say that is the root of your problems
In addition you suffer from lack of self confidence and assertiveness.
I am astounded that you say you can not get an appointment with your GP as the receptionists are ' Dragons'. The receptionists are there to make an appointment for you , that is their job, just tell them you need to see the GP and need a urgent appointment, do not discuss with them why you need the appointment that is none of their business , it is between you and your Doctor.
Once you get the appointment make sure you tell the doctor every thing you have put on here. As others have said you are suffering from severe depression . You need help with this, it is just as much a medical problem as the asthma is . I am certain the 2 issues are related to a large degree , asthma is made worse by stress.
My wife suffers from both asthma and severe depression so I am talking from personal experience here.
Your first step is to get an appointment with your GP and do NOT allow the receptionists to fob you off. When you see the Doc tell him/her all of this and ask to be referred to a psychiatric specialist.
Another way could be to talk to the counselors or lecturers at your Uni , there must be a medical service there . As a student you have access to the University medical team as well as your own GP. The University medics may well be better placed to help as they will have had many students with similar problems.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE , there is help available, you just need to make certain you get it. Easy for us to say I know , but only you can insist on seeing a doctor and then explain all your problems.
Please come back on here and report on how you are doing or just to ask for help and support.
You have given up a job you really enjoyed to go to uni and study a subject you do not really like or feel able to cope with.
I would say that is the root of your problems
In addition you suffer from lack of self confidence and assertiveness.
I am astounded that you say you can not get an appointment with your GP as the receptionists are ' Dragons'. The receptionists are there to make an appointment for you , that is their job, just tell them you need to see the GP and need a urgent appointment, do not discuss with them why you need the appointment that is none of their business , it is between you and your Doctor.
Once you get the appointment make sure you tell the doctor every thing you have put on here. As others have said you are suffering from severe depression . You need help with this, it is just as much a medical problem as the asthma is . I am certain the 2 issues are related to a large degree , asthma is made worse by stress.
My wife suffers from both asthma and severe depression so I am talking from personal experience here.
Your first step is to get an appointment with your GP and do NOT allow the receptionists to fob you off. When you see the Doc tell him/her all of this and ask to be referred to a psychiatric specialist.
Another way could be to talk to the counselors or lecturers at your Uni , there must be a medical service there . As a student you have access to the University medical team as well as your own GP. The University medics may well be better placed to help as they will have had many students with similar problems.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE , there is help available, you just need to make certain you get it. Easy for us to say I know , but only you can insist on seeing a doctor and then explain all your problems.
Please come back on here and report on how you are doing or just to ask for help and support.
Thanks Eddie, your post rings true about lacking confidence and assertiveness. I never really feel like it's possible for me to achieve anything, I always assume I'll fail.
And yes, I have been suggested to see a counsellor within the university. Which I am intending to, and will phone first thing tomorrow.
And yes, I have been suggested to see a counsellor within the university. Which I am intending to, and will phone first thing tomorrow.
ChocChip - my job involves looking after students at university from time to time, and the one thing I would say to you at the moment is - go see your tutor, explain that you have medical issues at the moment and that you are really struggling, and ask for a deferment. I know you say that the fees coming in next year are a deterrent, but believe me, a degree now is not the be-all and end-all of your world. Deferring for a year (at least) would give you breathing space and help you not only to get to grips with your medical problems, which can't be helped by all the pressure that you feel you are under.
You don't have to stay with the GP, or you could stay and demand referral to a respiratory specialist for a second opinion, as you're getting nowhere - I'm wondering if you have COPD which often presents like asthma but is a completely different diagnosis.
You sound like you have a wonderfully patient husband, and you are so lucky in that.
It is extraordinarily difficult when family and friends don't understand the pressures you're under and the discomfort you feel - but you must remember that this is YOUR life, not theirs, and you want to sort this out, if only for the sake of your relationship. Even your dog sounds sad - my cat bites me when he's miserable, so perhaps he's trying to sympathise....
and believe me, housework is not the end of the world. You are lucky in not having to work, but if you were not pressuring yourself with the Uni course, you might feel more like keeping house (says I, who is the most unhousewifely person in the world...)
You're not whinging, you are being honest with yourself and with us, and I commend you for that. You ought to print off your post and take it both to your tutor and your GP - we can often write things down better than we can verbalise them, in difficult circumstances.
Good for you, chopchip - you are facing up to things, not at all wallowing. If I were you, though, I would seriously consider deferrring.
Btw, if you weren't studying for the rest of the academic year, you could find yourself a little job maybe, which would help your self-confidence - and you could then save that money to pay for the rest of your university fees. What do you think?
You don't have to stay with the GP, or you could stay and demand referral to a respiratory specialist for a second opinion, as you're getting nowhere - I'm wondering if you have COPD which often presents like asthma but is a completely different diagnosis.
You sound like you have a wonderfully patient husband, and you are so lucky in that.
It is extraordinarily difficult when family and friends don't understand the pressures you're under and the discomfort you feel - but you must remember that this is YOUR life, not theirs, and you want to sort this out, if only for the sake of your relationship. Even your dog sounds sad - my cat bites me when he's miserable, so perhaps he's trying to sympathise....
and believe me, housework is not the end of the world. You are lucky in not having to work, but if you were not pressuring yourself with the Uni course, you might feel more like keeping house (says I, who is the most unhousewifely person in the world...)
You're not whinging, you are being honest with yourself and with us, and I commend you for that. You ought to print off your post and take it both to your tutor and your GP - we can often write things down better than we can verbalise them, in difficult circumstances.
Good for you, chopchip - you are facing up to things, not at all wallowing. If I were you, though, I would seriously consider deferrring.
Btw, if you weren't studying for the rest of the academic year, you could find yourself a little job maybe, which would help your self-confidence - and you could then save that money to pay for the rest of your university fees. What do you think?
as you are in uni, there will be someone on hand to discuss changing your topic next year. work hard this year, so you at least pass, and then transfer asap.
you should be referred to a consultant about your chest condition, and they should xray you and offer meds to help with the sputum production. you could have bronchiectasis or disfunctional breathing, or indeed anything, but without a consultation, how can you be diagnosed or treated correctly??
as for your other personal problem, i would ask for a referral to a sex therapist, who can suggest things for you and your husband to try together.
get well soon, cath x
you should be referred to a consultant about your chest condition, and they should xray you and offer meds to help with the sputum production. you could have bronchiectasis or disfunctional breathing, or indeed anything, but without a consultation, how can you be diagnosed or treated correctly??
as for your other personal problem, i would ask for a referral to a sex therapist, who can suggest things for you and your husband to try together.
get well soon, cath x
Thank you boxtops, your post is extremely supportive.
I can be a hypochondriac at times when it comes to physical medical problems. And I have considered COPD, partially for how long I've suffered with this problem and that it's always a phlegm producing cough, and of what I know of asthma it can be quite dry. And I have never had an asthma attack. My nan has COPD (alhtough that is due to years of smoking). And I did grow up in a home (18 years) where there was a woodfire stove.
I regularly write things down when I go into doctors, mostly because my mind goes blank, but partially because I am better with written rather than spoken word.
My husband is the best thing in my life (actually getting tearful just writing that) I don't know what I'd do without him, he's an absolute rock!
I'm concerned that if I defer though, that I'll not want to go back, I did okay last year with a 2:2, with 1% off a 2:1. We pretty much had 6 months off, with study leave for exams etc. And I think I got so use to work and stuff that I've got out of the habit of not being in uni and studying, and don't have the motivation to do it. I'm worried that I won't be able to get back into it if I leave for the year.
I can be a hypochondriac at times when it comes to physical medical problems. And I have considered COPD, partially for how long I've suffered with this problem and that it's always a phlegm producing cough, and of what I know of asthma it can be quite dry. And I have never had an asthma attack. My nan has COPD (alhtough that is due to years of smoking). And I did grow up in a home (18 years) where there was a woodfire stove.
I regularly write things down when I go into doctors, mostly because my mind goes blank, but partially because I am better with written rather than spoken word.
My husband is the best thing in my life (actually getting tearful just writing that) I don't know what I'd do without him, he's an absolute rock!
I'm concerned that if I defer though, that I'll not want to go back, I did okay last year with a 2:2, with 1% off a 2:1. We pretty much had 6 months off, with study leave for exams etc. And I think I got so use to work and stuff that I've got out of the habit of not being in uni and studying, and don't have the motivation to do it. I'm worried that I won't be able to get back into it if I leave for the year.
thanks cathfromsaron. The counsellor I'm seeing at the moment is a sex therapist, she works for both relate and the NHS. I orginally thought that it would just be me in therapy, but after the first session she said it needed to be the two of us.
Unfortunately as discussed before I am now unable to change course, without having to finance myself, as I'm in second year and student loans deadline has passed for me to change anything now. And if thats not the case (since apparently I'm a liar by one particular poster) then I am only parroting what my tutor, student advisor and careers and employability advisor have told me.
And I 100% aggree with what you've said about seeing a consultant.
Unfortunately as discussed before I am now unable to change course, without having to finance myself, as I'm in second year and student loans deadline has passed for me to change anything now. And if thats not the case (since apparently I'm a liar by one particular poster) then I am only parroting what my tutor, student advisor and careers and employability advisor have told me.
And I 100% aggree with what you've said about seeing a consultant.
Choc - be realistic for a mo - what would happen if you didn't want to go back...? What would be the worst outcome for you? I don't know what you want to do with your psychology degree, but would it really matter?
I wanted to teach when I was younger, but I didn't get into teacher training college so I went out to work, and I never looked back. I didn't go to Uni - it's never affected my ability to get interesting jobs - and I finally studied in later life, I got my DMS when I was 50 and my Masters degree a few years later. Unless it's really critical to the career you want (and believe me, you can change your mind about that, too!) then the degree doesn't have to be such a pressure on your life at the moment. If you wanted to give it up in a year's time because you were enjoying life again without study pressures, no-one would blame you - I certainly wouldn't!
I wanted to teach when I was younger, but I didn't get into teacher training college so I went out to work, and I never looked back. I didn't go to Uni - it's never affected my ability to get interesting jobs - and I finally studied in later life, I got my DMS when I was 50 and my Masters degree a few years later. Unless it's really critical to the career you want (and believe me, you can change your mind about that, too!) then the degree doesn't have to be such a pressure on your life at the moment. If you wanted to give it up in a year's time because you were enjoying life again without study pressures, no-one would blame you - I certainly wouldn't!
Thank boxtops. You are right, I know you are. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have always been so certain of what I wanted to do, even if it changed. I always had a goal in mind. But now, I just don't know.
I just don't want to disappoint my family, they were so happy with me going to university, the first out of my family. Whenever I try to bring it up, my mum gets angry, and says I'm too clever to give it up.
I know I'm an adult, married and have a house etc. But I can't bear the thought of disappointing my family.
I just don't want to disappoint my family, they were so happy with me going to university, the first out of my family. Whenever I try to bring it up, my mum gets angry, and says I'm too clever to give it up.
I know I'm an adult, married and have a house etc. But I can't bear the thought of disappointing my family.
Boxtops has a good point. Choc, you have to face the fact that unless you can get your problems sorted out you are simply not going to get a degree that is worth having. A poor degree is actually worse than no degree at all.
You would have been far better off staying in the job you enjoyed and trying to progress 'up the ladder' in your work.
I can see that this may sound negative and discouraging, but my point is that unless you can sort out your depression, uni is going to do you no good, so make a start on seeing a doctor.
I was lucky, I left school and started a job that gave me day release training . It took 9 years of combined work and study but I eventually got a degree in Industrial Chemistry. My degree and work expierience has let me see Africa and the Middle East as a worker and get paid for it. More to the point from todays situation I never had to pay a penny to get the degree , rather I was paid all the time I was studying.
It is well worth talking about all this to your tutors and the medical staff at Uni , it is in their intrests to help you , they do not want a failed student it does them and you no good.
You would have been far better off staying in the job you enjoyed and trying to progress 'up the ladder' in your work.
I can see that this may sound negative and discouraging, but my point is that unless you can sort out your depression, uni is going to do you no good, so make a start on seeing a doctor.
I was lucky, I left school and started a job that gave me day release training . It took 9 years of combined work and study but I eventually got a degree in Industrial Chemistry. My degree and work expierience has let me see Africa and the Middle East as a worker and get paid for it. More to the point from todays situation I never had to pay a penny to get the degree , rather I was paid all the time I was studying.
It is well worth talking about all this to your tutors and the medical staff at Uni , it is in their intrests to help you , they do not want a failed student it does them and you no good.
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