I dreamt about my ex last night...........

[peason77]

since splitting with my ex 1 month ago i've had a few dreams of him in the past couple of weeks, the last one being last night. It's true to say i'm hurting, but every now and again i think, he dumped me every 7/8 months, i stupidly take him back each time, but hey, if he comes back now or any time soon i think i'll have the strength to say i don't deserve this kind of treatment, leave me forever alone. I dream alot, and they are usually very vivid. Last night i dreamt he tried to come on to me and it repulsed me, and i couldn't wait to get out of the same room as him. I'm wondering whether my subconscious is now recognising my negative attitude towards him, therefore i'm moving forward in the right direction, (albeit slow) and he'll soon be a distant memory and i'll remember this episode as a learning curve.

[rowanwitch]

sounds like it... take strength from it if the situation arises again your subconscious seems to know what is best for you

[joggerjayne]

Next time, you must say Thanks, but No thanks!

You can't go through life being messed around quite so much.

Good you for feeling stronger.

x

[Old_Geezer]

Possibly so. It takes time to get over such an event, hang in there.

[jno]

he was part of your life for quite a while, so he will linger in your memory whether you like it or not. It does seem as if your subsconscious is trying to distance you from him, and that sounds like a good thing.

[LDC134]

I have read several of your posts now, and just wanted to say - stay strong, you are doing really well. I was 10 years with my ex, with several break ups during this time - every time his choice and then he'd come back, being all romantic and winning me over. The last time I finally said I can't and won't be messed around any more - I asked him not to make any contact and then I sobbed (and drank) my way through many months as I came to terms with it. It was very hard, but I took great strength from the fact that I had decided not to go back this time, it felt like it was on my terms and I was in control.

I also dreaded the thought of him with someone else, and at 30 thought my chance of falling in love again wasn't high, let alone getting married. I am now very happily married ( 7 years) to a man who would never treat me as badly as my ex and who I love more than I thought possible. I met my ex a few years ago, with his new partner, and I felt absolutely nothing for him - it was a feeling I never thought I would have - so please stay strong, you are doing great and even though you will have 'blip' days, overall you have done the right thing. xx

[peason77]

thankyou so much LDC134. Your answer has really encouraged me. I like you, am thinking the same. Not that i want a relationship now, i'm in no way ready and i'd really like to concentrate on my little girl and my studies. But i do think, i'm 34 now, with a gorgeous wee one and a nice home but i do want to be loved in the way you describe your present partner does. I've never had that experience. My ex husband never made me feel great and was quite selfish, and i haven't had that many other partners. Maybe thats why i allowed my ex back so many times, because deep down i crave a hug and support and the feeling of being loved. I settled for someone who really was no good for me, yet i allowed myself to love him. I long for the day where i can feel love, but my little girl is more than enough for now, and i feel blessed. One day i hope i will meet my ex and feel nothing. I wonder whether he will try and reunite with me one day,(after all he still hasn't given me my keys back!!argh)and i'll be the one who can say 'get lost' and regain 100% control and move on. Time will tell. Positive stories such as your help. Glad you're happy :)

[jno]

no keys? Change your locks.

[LDC134]

Thanks Peason and I am sure with your positive attitude for the future, that you will indeed meet the person you deserve. One thing which also helped me, when I was single, was to mentally compile a list of the attributes that my new partner would need -I found I had always put looks and image first, this time I put caring and 'put me first' first, it gave me a different - and far better - focus for what to look for when I was ready to date again.