Buzz Word Merchants

[Stano]

Has anyone heard any good buzz words at work recently. I'm worried that in the past few meetings I've attended some people have seen through my smoke screen of corporate waffle & realised I actually know nothing. If I extend my buzz word vocabulary I may be able to reintroduce the facade. In case you're not sure what I mean here are some examples, 'We need to cross pollinate', 'lets sick it up the flag pole & see if it flutters', ' I need a quick win'. This is the pleading of a desperate man, if you can not help me I may have to pick up the instruction manuals & actually learn how to do my job. Then, it could be you next. Before we know it all these big corporations & consultancies that employ us buzz word merchants will be full of people who actually know what they are doing & we'd all have to work for a living. No more surfing the net on company time!

[woodpam]

The current favourite in the public sector is "sustainability". All solutions have to be sustainable and likewise all projects. The correct answer to the colleague needing a "quick win" is "how does this fit with the need for sustainability?" You can go on for hours like this - the important trick to learn is to stay awake. Sometimes it's a lot more interesting to actually do the job than spend hours talking about it, evaluating it and integrating it into future planning. Thousands of public sector workers can't wait for "best value" ( a labour intensive process which usually costs more than the potential savings and pi$$es off the workforce in the process) to be replaced by the next new initiative and disappear into the corporate management dustbin.

[RCP]

Thanks for giving us a "heads up" on this possible "non-positive scenario". I think before we proceed we should draw our "road map" with our "milestones" clearly marked. Then we can do a "cost/benefit analysis" and we may be looking at a "win/win" situation. Let's "touch base" on this issue when we have a "window of opportunity" and we can "brainstorm" & "bounce a few ideas around" .I think that it's a "no-brainer" that we should "keep this on our radar" as we can't afford to "drop the ball" or "lose visibility" on this one.

[comloulou]

Im currently 'thinking outside the box' for you on this one. Ive been 'playing hardball' with my 'gameplan' but found I couldnt be proactive not reactive' so I packed it in and pi$$ed about on the net all day

[East]

What about "let's ring-fence that"... still not quite sure what they mean by it but they still pay me!

[Lennon]

There was an email going round with a spreadsheet that was called bullsh1t bingo. It had all of the words mentioned above listed and the idea was you printed it out and took it into a meeting and crossed off the words each time your manager said them, in an attempt to stop yourself from falling asleep!! Sorry, I know this isn't an answer, just thought I'd share it! :)

[skelly]

My boss' current favourites are, " It's a double bubble scenario", handy when you've said the wrong thing, " It's all about perception", usefull when no-one agrees with you, "It's a dripping roast", makes it look as if somethings about to happen, and "skelly you're an idiot", which I haven't figured out yet!

[uproar13]

We're currently doing PFQM or some combination of those letters. To me it seems like a case of the emperors new clothes, no one understands what is going on but we all pretend we do. It's quite amusing to watch. And the guy running it reminds me of a snake oil salesman. He's laughing all the way to the bank.

[Squirrel]

There's a great list of them here:

http://europa.eu.int/comm/translation/en/ftfog/tit
ley.htm

[woodpam]

Uproar, if you are doing the EFQM, ask the "facilitator" who the recent winners of the award are and watch him squirm when he comes up with names of companies that are in BIG trouble now. They were probably so busy evaluating the business and going round the "improvement circle" they forgot what they were supposed to be doing. You will at least end up with a certificate that will give your colleagues a good laugh at the end of it. I'm now busy trying to think up some new management philosophy which no one will realise is nonsense before I retire to a life of luxury having built up a whole industry out of a lot of hot air.

[druiaghtagh]

My employers are fond of 'Empowwerment' and 'Ownership', does that mean i get to sell company assets?

[JohnPPotts]

I worked in a cash handling business where we had to "take ownership" of large piles of cash (over �7 million, on one occassion) - amazingly, they objected if we tried to take it home though (which I would say shows admirable "Thinking outside the box").

[woofgang]

any thing good described as "slick"," integration", "I can use XXX (fill in as appropriate) to Inform my work on XXX" or here's a blast from the past "to be fully seized" (of a situation idea etc) instead of I understand

[paulz]

our current ones are: "up-skilling" [getting trained/retrained] "holistic approach" [I think it means all working together - too scared to ask] "Squarely behing the 8 ball on this one" [in favour of] "fire brigading" [dashing off to the next job] "factoring in" [fiddling the stats]. Just when I learn what the mean they go out of fashion! [Civil Servant by the way!]