Alert states

[Slapshot]

In light of the season and the possible terrorist threat, Europe and the civilised world have reviewed their current statuses.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The three higher levels in France are "Surrender", "Capitualate" and Collaborate The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No Worries" to "She'll Be Alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have reacted and raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the B@st@rds." Scots don't need or require any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

[Baldric]

Brilliant especially the French bit
;o))

[craft1948]

Quite funny.....................and possibly true.

[sidkid]

Spot on but just a slight detail change in the last sentence....'This is the reason that the English have used them on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years'
Retreats to kitchen to put kettle on and wait for the onslaught!

[craft1948]

Well it would be no good putting the Welsh there sid.............all they'd do is bloody sing at the enemy.

[Slapshot]

Oi......As it's Christmas I'll let you off Sid...;-)