Todays short ones.

[starone]

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was
looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing.

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I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

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After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find
himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a .....................Slovak

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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

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After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.

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A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a
part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married
for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

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Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can
supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said
white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30
minutes.. I think they were The Hovis Witnesses.

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[marval]

lol

[Old_Geezer]

I must make a LOT of women happy.