I am an expert at screwing up my life - mostly in my head.
If you did something wrong but were not caught and nobody got hurt just chalk it up as a lesson not to do the same thing again. If there is no way that you can be caught/traced just forget about it.
Everybody has done something wrong at some time or other in their life and the world is not full of bad people.
I understand your anguish - my life has been dominated by negative thoughts and irrational thoughts and have been in the pits of hell a few times. You have to be strong enough to accept what has happened and move forward from there.
My psychiatrist will be amazed that I have typed the above - giving advice to other people is SO much simpler than sorting the contents of your own head out.
I am not religious but you are - try this poem and see if it helps-
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
See your doctor. Some of the antidepressants can help with problems linked to anxiety. Talking it over with a doctor might be good for you.
Susan