straight acting gay men...

[joko]

a few months ago i was round my gay mates house and he is somewhat straight acting - you wouldnt know, but may suspect after a good while...(not deliberately, its just how he is) however his boyfriend is very effeminate and camp - voice and mannerisms, so much so that there could be no doubt

however, conversation got onto straight acting gays, and i commented that my friend (MF) could do it easily, and his boyfriend (BF) commented about himself being straight acting and that no-one knew he was gay!... i of course thought he was joking and laughed and made a sarcastic joke... he then 'acted shocked', so i again laughed - and so did everyone else - thinking he was playacting a wounded heart but it eventually became apparent he was serious - he was mortified and upset and began to argue with me and everyone, and we were all stunned...

now this guy sounds like high pitched louis spence without the lisp and has a very slight build and his mannerisms are very camp and speaking style is a very cliched "ohh god i feel ashamed, oh god i just love it, oh god " etc ... and even MF was surprised he believed he was straight acting.

is this common? are there really loads of gay men out there who have no idea how they appear to others?

i personally couldnt care less how they act, but this did surprise me.

i felt awful for upsetting him but also felt he needed to realise that people do know....

thanks

[cathfromsaron]

yes, you are both stereotyping, but i know what you mean!

its a case of: you can never/always tell sometimes! x

[tenrec]

I know straight men who YOU might think were gay from how they speak, act etc.

[jno]

I don't know if this is necessarily a gay/straight thing; there are plenty of people who don't actually know how they appear to the outside world. (Including me, for all I know.) How many people are suprised when they first hear recordings of their own voices, for instance?

[tenrec]

Jno that is so true.

[joko]

oh yes i am stereotyping to get my point across on here, to be clear... i guess thats why things become stereotypes - because they are often true or at least stem from truth

i actually thought he was one of those gay men who actually somewhat put on the campness...who revel in it...hence why i had no idea he thought he wasnt

i know many many gay people - mostly from theatre backgrounds and the local scene, and i know many different 'types' and he is indeed a stereotypical one - imagine lily savages voice on helium.

i agree there are exceptions - people like david walliams who is straight but 'acts gay', and some men who are just not 'butch', so there is a 'wonder' about them, but this guy is so over the line of doubt it really did stun me.

i agree jno we all are different to others than we think.

[rowanwitch]

quote from a friend
I don't mince
You have enough mince for the worlds biggest shepherds pie

[Quizmonkey]

You say you know many gay people - are any of them your friends? I find it hard to believe that any gay man would be friends with someone as bigoted, naive and clearly trading in simplistically offensive stereotyping as you appear to be. This is 2012 - stop living in 1968!

[joggerjayne]

What jno says ^^^^^