Could you all give me a HUGE kick up the proverbial backside please??

[Smowball]

Ok, going to have a shower and a few deep breaths then will come back to this thread......
Only readers of recent evening post will know what I'm on about but anyway - so much for my "toughening up" intentions!
Was going quite well when Mr Smo kicked off again this morning, I was very good and didnt back down..... till he went to walk out door, then found myself basically apologising - AGAIN!!
What is wrong with me??? ( will be back in 10.......)

[ummmm]

It's a hard habit to break.

How do you think he'll react when you eventually don't back down?

Bednobs - that's not necessarily true. Anyone can make their relationship sound bad if they only post about the negatives.

[mrs_overall]

There are only two people who know what goes on in a relationship so none of us can comment really.

When he is behaving like a toddler having a tantrum, treat him like one and ignore him. DO NOT apologise.

I always say that there are three ages of man - infantile, juvenile and senile....and they veer between all three constantly

[Brinjal]

He's not a Leo is he. My oh is such a big baby and can pick fights over stupid things. I refuse to get into it. Then later I may say to him. Now seriously did you hear yourself this morning. I was beginning to wonder if you are ok in the head. You need to get a grip. He usually feels quite silly.

[Smowball]

Somebody once said to me " If you act live a victim then you will get treated like a victim". And that if you change your own behaviour then it forces the other person to change theirs - they cant react the same if you dont. Maybe I should try it. He isn bad person - he just has this bully/bossy side.

[ummmm]

My OH is a laid back softy and even he agrees with that statement.

[rockyracoon]

Do it smowball, stop being the victim then see how he responds, if he doesn't change, then maybe you need a word with yourself about what you want out of life, win win!

[Smowball]

Yep you're right. ummmm, very true about if you only post the negatives then you can make any relationship sound disasterous. But I guess we tend to post what we need advice about, or sound off about.

[ummmm]

Threads like 'my husband is so lovely' wouldn't attract the answers either.

[Smowball]

No I guess not. Ohhh ........ men!

[anneasquith]

this relationship appears to make you very sad at times. i said on a previous post that he does not want to be in this relationship and im sorry to say i still think this is the case, sorry. :(

[gb1959]

@OP You say people would laugh at what set your OH off this morning, but obviously it mattered to him, however silly it may have seemed to you. It seems he would benefit from anger management though this is very difficult to make someone do. Maybe you should draw the line and say its either anger management or the door. If he accepts he has a problem and agrees to therapy he will have to open up and admit what his 'triggers' are and learn to work through them and learn coping strategies. You seem to care about him tremendously and he is lucky to have support, but you must not allow him to carry on this behaviour, in psychological terms its called 'Enabling' and you are doing him no favours by allowing unacceptable behaviour. This has nothing to do with leaving a relationship, its to do with getting your OH some help then deciding if you still want to live with him. In the mean time I would suggest that the next time he behaves in what is an unacceptable manner to you or your family, say without any emotion something like ' I'm sorry (name) but your behaviour is upsetting (me), please stop, I am quite happy to talk to you about this when you've calmed down. If this does not work remove yourself physically from the situation. Do not apologise unless you feel your actions have in some way inflamed the situation and always state what you are apologising for -this may sound strange but a 'ball park' sorry can be translated by the other person as 'sorry for everything and an admittance to them that you were completely in the wrong and their outburst therfore totally justified. just a note -your attitude seems a bit flippant and perhaps this is because you are trying to laugh it off - this is a potentially serious situation but one question you MUST ask your partner is 'Do you want to remain married to me?'

[divegirl]

Hi Smowball, I've read and followed your threads of late but this is my first comment, well more of a question.....
Are you happy? Do you wake in the morning to feelings of joy for the day to come? [bit tongue in cheek there lol]
I agree with others that from what we hear from you, he is a brat that either needs professional help or kicking out....just my humble opinion lol
Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Lisa x

[tinkerbell23]

Just a hug from me again smow xxx

[Smowball]

Do I love him? Yes. Do I want it to change? Yes.