Do Looks Matter?

[EvianBaby]

Watching The Undateables last night and it got me thinking.

There was one guy on there who suffered from a condition that resulted in huge tumours, mostly on his face and neck and was left severely disfigured as a result of the tumours and over 100 surgeries. He was in his late 30's and had never been on a date, never mind have a relationship but he seemed like a nice enough bloke.

Obviously physical attraction is what usually draws you to someone in the first instance but could you get past how someone looks if they have the right personality or is someones appearance a deal breaker?

[B00]

Neither could I, terribly shallow of me but no, I couldn't date him.

[chaptazbru]

Sadly, no.

[ummmm]

But if something happened to my OH and he ended up disfigured, I'd stay.

[petal54]

what someone looks like does affect how 'we' react to people when first meeting,& also why we're meeting them,usually get past that.I find that someone can look 'ok' but may stink rancid,which can be worse,as that can be avoided

[China Doll]

No, I wouldn't date him.

[DTCwordfan]

Looks certainly help and very much a "first screener" to us when meeting up, especially when it comes to a "mate"

But then, for me, it's the brain that counts....in all its different dimensions, those facets that drive personality.

So, Evian, my answer is probably "No" to someone severely disfigured unless there were exceptional circumstances leading to a meeting but "Yes" to a partner who was seriously disfigured, say in an accident or fire. And that is the same for sickness etc. The reason being that (hopefully) we wouldhave established that deep-seated relationship, understanding and love.

[ummmm]

I agree DT.

[Sqad]

em.....I interpreted the term "looks" in this context as ugly or disfigured.

[EvianBaby]

I'd like to think I would do the same if something happened to someone I love. But like others, this guys looks would prevent me from trying to create a relationship.

[naomi24]

Yes, unfortunately looks do matter. I would welcome him as a friend - and I'd go out and about with him - he seemed to be a very nice man - but anything more than that would be out of the question. I cried when I saw him last night. Poor, poor man.

As for the question of staying with a partner who for some reason had become seriously disfigured, it would not occur to me to leave him. I felt very sorry for that lovely girl whose partner left her after a ten year relationship because she became confined to a wheelchair. Very sad.

[andy-hughes]

"People tend to select partners with their own level of attractiveness.

You see couples who are both quite short or relatively unattractive."

That is largely true venator, but there are exceptions.

I remember being on holiday in Spain years ago and watching the hotel entertainment team getting colunteers for 'Mt & Mrs. As the ladies and gents sat on opposite sides, the ewyes of every man in the place were drawn to a Liz Hurley doubel, she was absolutely gorgeous. On the men's side, was a correspondingly handsome man about her age.

When the game played, she was asked to guess the age of the rather homely gentleman on the end, and she said forty-six, and then blushed. When asked why, she confided that he was her husband!

I saw them around the hotel loads, and it was obvious that they adored each other - so for her, looks were not an issue.

I do think though, that women see through looks more than men as a generality - and love men more for who they are than what they look like.

I am delighted to say that the present Mrs Hughes is proof of that theory!!!

[ummmm]

I agree with that Andy. I see more often attractive women with less attractive men. But it's not just looks women are attracted to. If me OH asked me out but he was a bit of a wimp, it would be a no.

[Smowball]

EB, this is a really good thread!
I think that looks are obviously the first thing that you notice when you meet somebody, but if they then started speaking and had no personality whatsoever then I wouldnt be interested. I would find it hard to get past a severe deformity, but just say my husband had an accident and then became disfigured then I would stay, and hope he would do the same for me.

[Ann]

Look what happened to Simon Weston (terrible burns in the Falklands) - what a humble, kind, inspiring man he is and now has a lovely wife and children. People see him so often on TV they look beyond his physical appearance and have such admiration for him for how he has coped with life - he is a shining example to others.

[NOX]

Initially deformity, ugliness puts us of, but once you get to know the person at least for me it becomes irrelevent.

[EvianBaby]

I'm no oil painting and my ex was pretty hot. Far better looking than me. People must have constantly asked themselves why he was with me and it made me feel insecure.

I tend to fancy blokes who are not classically good looking but it does matter to me what they make of their looks. A guy taking pride in his appearance, making sure he looks decent and making the effort is really important to me.

Still, am shallow enough that I wouldn't want to go out with someone I considered ugly.

[Smowball]

Thats not shallow EB, thats you being honest. And they do say theat beauty is in the eye of the beholder.