Feeling down and lost

[ChocolatChip]

Please be nice to me, I'm feeling really down and ill. Even though I know in my own head I'm being stupid and should just get over myself but I'm really finding it hard.
I've wanted children for as long as I can remember, and a few months ago it suddenly felt like someone was bashing me over the head with my biological clock. I am still young, and I know that I shouldn't feel this way or some just put it out of my mind, but I can't escape how much I want to start a family.
I have hobbies, I volunteer with children. I try my hardest to put it out of my head, but I am literally consumed by it. It is my first thought in the morning and last at night. I even dream about it most nights!
I've just completed my second year at university, and I am average at best. I feel like I will never be able to make anything of myself in a career. But I know that I should complete my final year before having kids.
My husband and I tried to make a list of things we should do before having children, and at first I was motivated. But now I feel miserable at the thought.

I feel there is no one I can talk to about how I feel, no friends or family that would understand. I feel like this huge weight is around my neck everyday, and I am so lost and down with it.
It's not really much of a question, but it was nice just to write it down for someone to read.

[4getmenot]

First step is to realise that all these other things will not make you happy.

[Mamyalynne]

If planning s your thing then go that route, set a time scale to stop contraception and try, be relaxed about it though and remember it won't go to your plan necessarily - however if it does then great and believe me, when your baby does come along, your perfectionism will take a back seat as you go with the flow.
Calm down and think how much life you have ahead and all that you have to offer, stop being so hard on yourself.

[tinkerbell23]

Could you make a list of all the good things about your life!?

I still think a definate plan would give you something to focusn on..and also make you feel that you are doing somthing towards having kids! Finishing uni and getting a good job, and getting yourself happy and healthy will all go well towards the big goal...xx

[ChocolatChip]

Well, I have a nice life. But not happy with myself.

[4getmenot]

and thats exactly why this nice life isnt keeping you happy

[ChocolatChip]

But it's not simple to change that. I've had all sorts of help and I just end up back and square one. I try to fight how I feel about myself but I simply can't.
I just feel like such a failure, I'm awful at university and find it so hard just to get okay grades. I feel like a rubbish partner as I'm always so focused on other things and I'm rubbish at keeping tidy. I feel sad because we don't have much money so we can't enjoy life that much, and I'm regularly alone because my husbands away working hard earning money.

[jno]

if you get okay grades, you're not a failure.

If you're not tidy, you're normal. (Well, around my house you would be.)

If you've got other things to focus on besides a relationship, that's normal too.

Maybe you're thinking other people don't have these problems; but they do. So your own problem goes deeper than that - it's about why you feel worthless when you're really pretty normal. I suspect you need to sort it out before taking on another responsibility like raising a child, though.

[ChocolatChip]

I'm probably just over dramatic if I'm honest.

[friedgreentomato]

Your definately coming across as a bit of a princess if I am honest!!

[tonyav]

ChocolatChip, most newly wed couples struggle financially ( unless they are really lucky ).

[Seadragon]

Chocolat your post of 15.29 is so moving.....I'm almost crying...How can you think of bringing a child into the world when you feel like that? If you re-read your post, is that really the person you want to be?.....because you can change that. No-one is a failure in their life, that is your own perception. Only your husband can tell you if you are a 'rubbish partner', don't be so hard on yourself, you sound really nice.

[jno]

she's not coming across as a princess. She's got worries (sounds like it could possibly be clinical depression, but I'm not an expert on this), and they need attending to, the same as anyone else's.

[ChocolatChip]

I know I am fried, I haven't said otherwise!

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks everyone, you're probably being far nicer than I deserve. There are people out there who have real problems. I'm just finding it hard thats all. And as I think jno said about clinical depression, it doesn't matter what you have it can happen to anyone. I had a relatively privileged childhood, money wise anyway. But it didn't stop the way I felt.
Thanks sea dragon, I know you're right. And I wish I could stop wanting children so I could sort myself out.

[Seadragon]

Hello Jno, it's nice to 'see' you, was wondering where you disappeared to. I don't think you're depressed Chocolat, I think you are married young..21..and there's certain expectations in life you think you have and it's not happening...(maybe)? Could be wrong.

I went through a year at Uni where I had rubbish grades as well. No matter how much study I did, it just didn't improve. Then later I realised it was a particular tutor who didn't agree with what I wrote.

Your problems are no less than anyone else's....your experiences are your own...but don't let your problems/thoughts consume you. I would re-read your 15.29 post and tell yourself....is that really who you are?

I wish you all the best....for always x
And remember things will happen for you when the time is right, take care x

[boxtops]

"nicer than you deserve" - you're as deserving as the next person, CC. Stop knocking yourself - I know it's easier said than done, but I do think you need to get some help. Your wish to have a child is becoming something of an obsession and colouring all the rest of your life at the moment, which isn't keeping it in perspective. We don't all get to have children, and although you might not want to consider that possibility at the moment, there is plenty of life without....

On the practical side, what happens if your husband just doesn't get that promotion, and you can't give up work for a couple of years? what will you do with your hard-earned degree if you don't find a good job once you graduate? - there is so much else to take into consideration.

IMO some counselling would help, especially as you feel a bit better from having written it down and telling us about it.