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The Pumpkin Story
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year
old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.
The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public
intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop,
'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no
one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut
a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was
really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an
approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer
Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor.
'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence .
'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex
with a pumpkin??'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin??? Sugar ... is it midnight already?'
The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back line ever.
old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.
The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public
intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop,
'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no
one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut
a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was
really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an
approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer
Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor.
'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence .
'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex
with a pumpkin??'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin??? Sugar ... is it midnight already?'
The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back line ever.
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