Hi,
Good stuff, but perhaps too many words, would equate to a longish song, more like a country and western story type. Have you put it to music? I write songs, but i csannot sing to save my life, so i have to play them on the keyboard, then try to fit them into the guitar. much easier if you can sing.
Also, beware of writing poetry as a song, too much rhyme can make a song sound a bit childish.
but good stuff, better than most of the tight T shirt and jeans brigade who think they are paul mccartney.
Percy.