Born again Christian

[Aude]

II'd like to know if Born Again Christian is a sect or not. I'm French Catholic, and before I came to live in England, had never heard of this. Now I am married with the son of a Born Again Christian. She is open to absolutely nothing, if things don't go the way she wants it to be then she proclaims it is wrong. Every time I try to talk to her about understanding her point of views about God and religions, she will not listen to me and if I disagree with her on some thing (e.g.: I believe In Virgin Mary and miracles in Lourdes) It's as if I'm disrespecting God and her... I find it really hard to live with that as obviously she keeps saying that I am a bad mother and wife... I should stay at home and play cleaner and cook... If I try to protest (because she certainly doesn't practice what she preaches!) she says that I am not a good Christian! She took me to one of her church mass once and after half an hour everybody started to fall on the floor.... she then proclaimed that those people were being touched by The Holly Spirit...And that ever since she became Born Again she was "touched" by The Holly Spirit... I even had argument with some of her friends about it because I got kind of freaked out when I first saw it but they didn't seem to understand me and that it was completely natural!!! Am I the one who's in the wrong and because of that God will not "touched" me or is Born Again Christian REALLY a weird sect and I should keep my children as far away from it as possible??? Please Help!

[CheekyChops]

As far as I am aware, there is nothing to do with weird sects. Usually someone who is described as being a 'born again christian' is someone who has not followed the christian religion before (or not for a very long time) and has suddenly discovered (or re-discovered) it at a late age.

[CheekyChops]

try this link HERE

[Cetti]

Oh dear, it does sound as though this person belongs to the extreme end of Christianity.... sadly they appear in every area of life and the church has more than its fair share!!

I'm a born again Christian and am exactly the opposite of whom you describe. It must be very difficult for you not knowing what to say in case you offend her, but my advice is just be who you are, keep asking questions. God gave us a brain to use to challenge things we don't always understand, and in my opinion that's healthy that's how we learn. Why shouldn't you believe in the Virgin Mary, she was the mother of Jesus after all and a very important lady. The subject of the Holy Spirit is a pretty vast subject - different for everyone and much too large and too varied to go into here. I would say though on first sight it can seem very odd indeed, in fact I was frozen to my seat in sheer terror unable to move!!! It's something I can laugh about now, but coming from a very strict C of E background I had never encountered anything like it before.

I do hope you can understand a little of what I'm trying to get across Aude . To put your mind at rest being Born Again is not a weird sect as it crosses every demonination, Roman Catholic, Jew (yes, Jew!) Baptist, Methodist, Anglican ....and everybody in between - and as for keeping your children away, well, that's up to you, but be assured no harm will come to them - although I wouldn't take children anywhere that I didn't feel comfortable with - that may come later.

[NiceCupOfTea]

I am a Catholic as well, Aude. I was brought up to be one, so it is a normal part of my life. Born again Christians are people who have suddenly realised what Christianity means, so to them it is very clear, bright and all encompasing. I mean absolutely no disrespect. It is, I suppose, like anything that suddenly fascinates you in that it can take over every aspect of your life and you don't see why everyone else isn't as enthralled by it as you are. She is being very judgemental. All I can say is don't judge back. Be calm when you feel you are defending your own position. My Grandmother is also born Catholic, but a very old and judgemental one (getting mellower though), so she is also hard to live with sometimes.

[woofgang]

where is your husband in all this?

With respect to Cetti's advice to continue to question, I think you need to decide on the outcomes that you want here. if you want to confront your mother in law with the differences between your faiths, (and you may decide that that is what you want to do) then do continue to discuss and question in a friendly and positive manner;

if you want to contibute to family harmony without giving way to anything you can't accept for yourself and your children, then I would suggest a different approach.

I would suggest that you don't raise the subject with her, as that obviously seems to wind her up. if she raises it with you, then be positive about that fact that she is so happy to have found God in her way and don't try to put your views across, she is not likely to take them on board and again from what you have said this seems to wind her up further. are there things that you do have in common eg a love of gardening, music, books, anything uncontroversial?

Your children are a different matter, it is up to you and your husband to jointly decide on the kind of upbringing that is right for them and what parental roles should be. Mum should butt out, again, where is your husband in all this? From what you have posted, it is his mum who appears to be causing the problem.

While I respect Cetti's view that the children are unlikely to come to harm, (you don't say what age they are) with respect, they might find the kind of church service that you describe frightening, again, you are their parents and its up to you to decide what is right for them.

Again, with the greatest respect to people's religious and spiritual beliefs, (and to mothers in law) from what you are posting, it sounds like this might be an aspect of controlling mother in law syndrome rather than religion per se.

[woofgang]

PS I have a friend whose mother was heavily involved in the "free wales" movement many years ago...drove the couple mad by insisting that the babies be taught Welsh from birth and that they should be enrolled as members of the free welsh army!!....they lived in the midlands at the time!!

Please note I that this is not a criticism of Wales or the welsh people, just a comment on the behaviour of SOME mothers in law

[mimififi]

Hi Aude, I am sorry you have had such a poor experience with this aspect of christianity. i would say that being born again is not a sect as such it is just a state of mind, it is how you consider yourself, you can be 'born-again' and attend a church of England church, anglican church, baptist, methodist, presbyterian etc........

However, there are some extreme churches out there who don't feel as though they have a relationship with God unless it is all singing and all dancing. I don't personally believe this to be true. I think the reason there are so many different denominations is because we are all different. We all like to worship in our own ways. God accepts out worship when it is sincere and pure, and he doesn't mind whether we are clapping, playing a tambourine, singing quietly, or even sitting silently. We worship in the way we feel comfortable and I don't think that it is ok for any person to prescribe how another person should worship.

i think it would be good for you to explain to your MOL that her church is ok for her, but it is not really your COT, and then perhaps look for somewhere else to worship together with your husband and children. There can often be rifts caused when families stay at the same church together (not always, sometimes it works out really well) but potentially, I think it is wise to move to your own church together. Talk to your Husband about this and then perhaps he can talk to your son.

[mimififi]

Sorry, Imeant MIL, not son:

Also, It was irresponsible for you MIL to take you to such an extreme church when you hadn't even seen anything like this before, and then demand you participate. It is not very loving. Where are her fruits of the spirit?

Jesus' ministry on earth was not always casting out demons or singing or dancing or being overt, he worked a gently and quiet ministry also, take the woman at the well for eg, jesus did not demand that she fall to the floor shaking and shreiking in order to recieve her portion. He met her where she was.......When he healed the little girl Talitha, he didn't demand that her parents throw themselves around...Jesus can't be wrong can he!

God Bless, Aude, I hope you sort it out!

[Cetti]

Please forgive me everyone if I didn't clarify some points, but if you look at the time of posting perhaps you will understand the reason!!

To try clarify a few points -Your children are precious to you and to God so extremes of any kind should be avoided at all costs. I am in complete agreement with woofgang and mimififi on issues they have raised and urge you to speak to your husband and discuss with him everything that is causing you such distress as it's imperative to be a united front, not in a warlike way, but to give you the reassurance you so desperately need.

It does sound as though whatever route you choose nothing on earth - or even in heaven - is going to please your mother-in-law. as she does sound a complete control freak. This has nothing to do with Christianity as it's in total opposition to the truth and the life of a believer. Where is her compassion, patience and above all - love?

You have nothing to worry about Aude, the problem is not with you.Continue to worship and pray in the way that is right for you. Thankfully God doesn't mark us on the latest dance craze, whether we leap or wave our arms about in church or not, what church we attend or not - or even the length of our prayers and if we use the right words. No....God looks only at our heart. This is the only area that counts.

[joko]

i would suggest you don't discuss this with her at all, as it clearly upsets you, so if you want to learn ask someone else who can speak to you without judging, or look it up on the net, but just say to her that you don't want your kids in such an extreme environment and that you don't want to discuss the subject as you will only argue - put your foot down - you are being bullied!