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Murraymints Story
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Murraymints was born in a tenement in the Gorbals district of Glasgow. From an early age she knew she was destined for fame but having no apparent talents she didn't know in which direction fame lay. After obtaining a clutch of GCE O levels (Physics, Unarmed Combat, Domestic Science, Steam Roller Maintenance, Flower Arranging and History) she pondered long and hard on her future. Deciding against the traditional Glasgow careers for girls (single parenthood, alcoholism, shoplifting and drug addiction) she began an apprenticeship as a welder in the shipyards on the Clyde. The shipyard workers were at first incredulous but she soon earned their respect (and fear.) She could out-lift any of them when it came to heavy machinery and in the pub after work she was usually the only one still standing after a brawl.
Her yearning for fame intensified every time she was mistaken for a celebrity and asked for her autograph. It mattered not that she was only ever mistaken for Robbie Coltrane, Arthur Mullard and Rab C. Nesbitt. Her homely features would contort into the semblance of a smile and she would daydream of having her day in the sun.
Her epiphany occurred on a night out at the town hall to watch a wrestling match. This was something she knew she could be good at. She approached the wrestler's manager who signed her up on the spot and her career to fame as Murray "The Mauler" Mints began. She pioneered several unique holds (the Inverted Atomic Drop with Flugelhorn, the Reverse Bulldog Double Armbreaker and the Wheelbarrow with Stomp and Triple Whammy.) The pinnacle of her career was being crowned Women's World Wrestling Champion of 1984.
She led an itinerant lifestyle as a wrestler and part time welder and had never experienced romance. Wrestling (and the occasional welding mishap) had taken their toll, leaving her with cauliflower ears, a broken nose and several interesting scars. She joined the Desperado Dating Agency and after several false starts (where her potential dates had run away screaming), she secured a date with a Brad Pitt lookalike in the village of Answerbank Under the Wold. She booked a room in the village pub and wondered nervously if sending a photo of Cheryl Cole with her application had been a mistake. Brad Pitt stood her up, but on the plus side, the landlady of the pub took a shine to her and employed her as a bouncer. figuring Murray could inflict more damage on troublesome customers than the nail studded shinty stick she kept under the bar.
It was during a brawl in the pub that her eyes met with those of a leering plumber who smelled faintly of goat and Old Spice, who was about to change her life for ever.
Her yearning for fame intensified every time she was mistaken for a celebrity and asked for her autograph. It mattered not that she was only ever mistaken for Robbie Coltrane, Arthur Mullard and Rab C. Nesbitt. Her homely features would contort into the semblance of a smile and she would daydream of having her day in the sun.
Her epiphany occurred on a night out at the town hall to watch a wrestling match. This was something she knew she could be good at. She approached the wrestler's manager who signed her up on the spot and her career to fame as Murray "The Mauler" Mints began. She pioneered several unique holds (the Inverted Atomic Drop with Flugelhorn, the Reverse Bulldog Double Armbreaker and the Wheelbarrow with Stomp and Triple Whammy.) The pinnacle of her career was being crowned Women's World Wrestling Champion of 1984.
She led an itinerant lifestyle as a wrestler and part time welder and had never experienced romance. Wrestling (and the occasional welding mishap) had taken their toll, leaving her with cauliflower ears, a broken nose and several interesting scars. She joined the Desperado Dating Agency and after several false starts (where her potential dates had run away screaming), she secured a date with a Brad Pitt lookalike in the village of Answerbank Under the Wold. She booked a room in the village pub and wondered nervously if sending a photo of Cheryl Cole with her application had been a mistake. Brad Pitt stood her up, but on the plus side, the landlady of the pub took a shine to her and employed her as a bouncer. figuring Murray could inflict more damage on troublesome customers than the nail studded shinty stick she kept under the bar.
It was during a brawl in the pub that her eyes met with those of a leering plumber who smelled faintly of goat and Old Spice, who was about to change her life for ever.
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