p.s. to my question

[Dreaming]

Meant to say, we have been separated for 7 years.

[snapdarlich]

Dreaming, I think you are be treated quite badly. I think the first thing you should do is change your locks and set a few ground rules. You obviously want to keep him in your children's life, that's only fair for them, even though he may not deserve it, but he must realise that your house is yours and he cannot just walk in and out when he feels like it. I mean, if you met someone else, how would this affect the situation? I'm sure your new partner wouldn't be happy. And as for helping himself to your things and food. Well that shows no respect at all. I don't know you or your history with your ex, but it seems to me that he probably treated you with little respect in the past and is just continuing to do so to undermine your confidence in this way. I also think that letting your children see him treat you this way will give them the wrong idea - that it's okay. I don't have an answer for you as such as I haven't been in that situation. But I dearly hope you can sort it out and someone else on here, more knowledgable can help you. Best wishes and Good luck!

The very best of luck.

[Dreaming]

Hiya snap.........to be honest I am in a real muddle at the moment. Just split with my boyfriend of 3 years (we didnt live together) was going to ask him over for christmas dinner, just to keep ex husband away. Sounds selfish I know. But now ex boyfriend would of been on his own, and we had planned for him to spend christmas with me and my children, who he got on well with. My ex husband does take advantage, the only reason the divorce has taken so long is because he didnt want to pay for it. I am quite a strong person, but in other respects, I can be a soft touch. The ex husband giving me the sympathy line makes me feel awkward at christmas and I really dont know how to deal with it. I dont want him here. But thanks for your advice.

[snapdarlich]

It can't be good for your kids getting to know someone else and them going too...I wish I had an answer. But like before..... Hope you get it sorted.

But don't fall for the sympathy vote.
It shows him in a bad light that he chooses this route.
I think you need to get some of your friends to give you that little shot in the arm for confidence or your family. I'm sure they wouldn't want to see you treated in this way. And would be willing to stand up for you. Perhaps you could change the number and get him to speak to them first. It's child's games he's playing.

[Dreaming]

Thanks Snap......to be honest, I dont know what to do....he plies the sympathy vote on every year. But thanks for listening and replying x

[suzie4U]

Hi Dreaming now I know why you chose your name lol as snappy as said you really need to talk with some one I read a notice at my doctors something about Help with a broken relationship not to get back but to split up I'll try and find out for you. Change your locks tell him you'v doing it because of B/F then you want feel so bad he will have to knock then. Christmas dinner thats a hard one all I can say is I tried to do the same with my ex and its so hard with kids involved can you go somewhere with the kids this year if its only to send out a message you don't want to spend chritmas with him. Or tell little white lie and say you are. After all you are Not together anymore. May I ask how old are your children? and why did you split if thats not being to personal

[Dreaming]

Hi Suzie, thanks for replying. I dont think I made my question clear enough. Or I was probably just trying to summarise things as not to go on too much. And its fustrating now to me to have posted this question, and get so much negative replies. But as I said, I expect people to be honest. But my fault for not telling everything, its not just the Christmas Dinner thing. But like I said, its too long, and not for others here to sort out for me.

My chidren are 7, 9, 13 and 15. And the reason we split 7 years ago (I was in 7 months pregnant) when we sold the matrimonial home. Its not that I dont want to tell you, again, I think its too long winded to put on here, and maybe now, I wish I hadnt started talking about it. But thanks for your advice.........Maybe I should change my name from Dreaming, to Keep your gob shut LOL............. xx