I don't think I have told this yarn before. I was living in Brussels, a beautiful top floor flat of a very old town-house, the apartment had wings we joked.
A long story with a "friend" not contacting me about staying with me a week or so out, after having asked me three months before and I wasn't arsed to go chasing after him on a consultancy assignment in S Belgium. I went off to Dusseldorf with friends and he was left stranded.
On the way back to England next day, the plane empty, he goes and sits next to this cute girl as was his want and reputation. Anyway, sure as sure, a date is arranged. He phones this time to come and stay.
Turns out he has a date....I was knackered anyway from the week and off they go, me preferring a wee steak, glass of wine and early night. About midnight, a bang, bang on the door - he can't get in past the double key system (he had a set). Thank goodness, I put a dressing gown on as there he was with this girl along side him. Off to the west wing (the upper wing) they go.
I don't know how long later but I was woken from my sleep again, an UUUgggheeeeruuuuerrr sound - "What the hell is wrong with my pipes, my heating system?" was my thought. I got out of bed, went up the first flight of stairs and the sound stops.
I don't know how long later, I woke to another UUUgggheeeeruuuuerrr sound. Once more, I got out of bed, muttering about the bloody pipes. I got to the top of the first flight, the UUUgggheeeeruuuuerrraaaargh continuing and then the penny dropped. It wasn't the heating.........
My ex (gf at the time) christened her "Pipes" and that was what she was known as amongst friends.....