Important Announcement to all Staff re Tonyav

[mrs_overall]

(Report obtained from A&E, Answerbank Under the Wold General Infirmary)

23rd June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a ditch, almost naked from the waist down. Clothing examined and appears to have been nibbled rather than torn off. Strange hoof shaped marks on patient's shoulders and patient smells strongly of billygoat. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment

30th June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a boiler cupboard. Appeared delirious, shouting about girl on girl action. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment

2nd July - presented himself at A&E with a broken nose. Claimed to have been hit by a flying book. Nose reset and 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.

6th July - presented himself at A&E with scalding to the groin. After close examination of the relevant parts (with a magnifying glass), a faint redness could be detected. The scalded area was covered in a white powder which the patient claimed was cat flea powder. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an appointment made for patient to see duty psychiatrist.

8th July - presented himself at A&E complaining of a painful toe. An X ray revealed the toe to be broken. Patient claimed he sustained the injury when he kicked a pimp. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an urgent appointment requested for patient to see duty psychiatrist

19th July - patient brought to A&E by a friend. Patient had his head twisted the wrong way around after upsetting one of the contestants at a wrestling match. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed

23rd July - patient presented himself at A&E claiming he had been attacked by a billygoat. Patient covered in goat dung. No injuries, apart from bruising. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed

31st July - patient presented himself at A&E with a condom machine in which his hand was stuck. Condom machine cut to release patients hand. Bruising and swelling noticed. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.

This patient obviously has "issues" and apparent fixations with A&E and goats.

This report if for the information of all A&E staff

[mrs_overall]

trigger, the book in question was
Fifty Shades of Grey - the Autobiography of a Painter & Decorator

[sunny-dave]

Irish goalkeeping edition - "50 Grades of Shay"

< gets coat >

[mrs_overall]

My Life with Horses - Fifty Shades of Neigh

[sherrardk]

Agricultural edition - Fifty bales of hay.

[ttfn]

"My life as an extra on Emmerdale Farm - nay, nay nay Mr Wilkes"

[lady-janine]

omg read this and now i look like a panda wth black rings under my eyes. so funny. thank you.

[seadogg]

Let us know if he comes up for a paddle then the LB can go on standby and the Lifeguards alerted

[DTCwordfan]

An argument for doing away with the NHS or introducing selective charging.

Note to self: Get AOG to publish this on News under the title Daily Mail.

[mccfluff]

I'll drive the van. i have extra cat flea powder if its required

[DTCwordfan]

Note the debate for AOG is about the Nanny state that we live in....

Mrs O, what does the August diary look like?

[parkie]

All this stuff about goats Mrs O. I think you are kidding us.

[parkie]

Always wondered what happened about that condom machine.

[starone]

Brilliant Mrs. O. You have left me with a broad smile on my face, which I might add improves it no end.

[Psybbo]

Gawd, I take a day off and miss all the fun. Thank you for the report but I heard Matron has taken Tony under her wing and all is well with him now!

[Dee Sa]

ooooh matron !!