I'm 20 years old and want a baby need advice as it's difficult

[Misconfused]

I'm 20 years old and I'm desperate for a baby I have a beautiful godson and as much as I'm really happy for my best friend I'm so jelous aswell :( I've been with my partner well over a year now both in good jobs and I have my own flat but he is dead against children. I fell pregnant and there was no conversation about it he wanted an abortion. It broke my heart and I have regretted it everyday since :( I love him but I really want kids. Can anyone give me advice on what to do ? Much appreciated x

[boxtops]

"all I want is to have a beautiful little gift that I can love my partner can love and teach watch them grow progress learn and everything that comes with it."

I'm sorry, but you also said "he is dead against children" - he won't love a child if he doesn't want one, he won't be converted if a child appears. You are very young, don't do it to keep up with your friends - and a year is no time at all, your termination must still be very recent if you've only known him a year.

I think you're with the wrong guy. He may never change his mind (he might, but can you wait?). You two need to have a long talk about this, so he understands how important it is to you to bring a child (and a huge responsibility) into the world.

Having said that - I'm not sure I understand how he made you have the abortion, did he threaten to leave you if you didn't? It doesn't sound to me as if he's the right guy for you.

[sherrardk]

I love all of my children to pieces but I have been out once in the night in 12 years. One of the youngest still wakes up in our bed every morning, that's 12 years of broken sleep. Babies are hard work and won't cement your relationship if it is a bit shaky. You can't give them back if you change your mind. Please think about things really carefully. You might not think so, but you have got loads of time to have a family, hope you sort things out soon.

[LoftyLottie]

20 years old - in a relationship for ONLY one year - I am not surprised your partner doesn't want children. He seems the sensible one to me. To be honest if he was to relent then you probably will end up a very young single parent.

Also, he is very young at 25 to take on fatherhood, in another 5 years he might feel ready for it.

Why all the rush? Get to know him better, give yourself more time. Parenthood is the biggest undertaking you will ever make - children need to be wanted by both parents equally.

He may or may not be the right guy for you, but if you are so desparate to have kids now then find yourself someone else and be prepared to take the consequences.

[pastafreak]

I am really concerned by your 'desperate' need'.....that is the wrong reason to have kids....being needy makes your desire for children sound selfish. Sorry if that is too strong a word-but it seems apt here.
Also-you seem to be romanticising what having children is all about. Looking ahead or back it can all seem quite easy...but when you are in the thick of it,it ain't all that pretty. A lot of our joy in our children is from hindsight-as like childbirth,we can eventually forget the times we wonder just why we had the little monsters.

[NoMercy]

"Let's leave it at that eh"

But this thread is ongoing and I am both inclined and entitled to disagree with you, Mojo.

Rather than tell her he'd support her in whichever decision she wanted to make, he made it clear that he didn't want her to proceed with the pregnancy full stop. At least that's what I deduced from the OP.

[boxtops]

That's what i read, too, NoM

[craft1948]

I'd quite fancy one as well but as I'm not in a settled relationship I realise this may be a problem.

[Misconfused]

I'm not saying I would rush it I AMA strong believer of u need steady home income relationship we do have a steady relationship steady home and income too. Mojo jo jo all the things you explained there yes I do want it and I've done it before when my friend fell pregnant the man left her side so she moved in with me and once the baby was born they then stated at my house for a year and a half she suffered with post natal depression so I pretty much looked after him up during night doing feeds changing nappies you name it I'd then get up go to work come home and do it all again as she was having a really hard time. I know everything that goes with having children and even all the bad stuff like sleepless nights I want the lot because it's all part of being a parent. I also worked with kids aswell through doing hnc childcare at college. I appreciate what your saying about me pushing him away with asking him tho so thank you xx

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Yes he did Nom, but he didn't pin her down and force her. This is not his fault. In fact, he sounds like the one with his head screwed on right now.
He's 25 and she's 20. They've been together for a year. He sounds very sensible to me.
The OP can say she felt forced all she likes, but she wasn't. She had a choice.
You're right BTW. I answered you because the OP chose to continue. I was only trying to protect her feelings when I last responded to you.

[Misconfused]

We also know eachother very well have been close friends for about 6 years now. I really do Appriciated everyone's honesty as that's what I was after when I made this post I think somepeople are possibly reading it in the wrong way our relationship is in no way rocky I don't want a kid to make things better. I'm not gonna randomly get pregnant. It would have to be spoken about and would have to be a joint decision the main point of this post was for a bit of advice in how to approach it and if it was a good idea to speak about it. I do totally understand every thing that come with being a parent and it is something I want to expierence with him. But was looking for an outsiders looking for an outsiders oppinion on if it's good to approach it or not or am I better leaving it or finding some one else to some people 20 may be to young but Im really mature for my age I've had my own house since I was 16 I understand responsibility massively.

[jomifl]

You are letting your hormones determine your future Hand the job over to your brain. You don't need a baby, you want a baby. It's just as well men can't give birth to Ferraris.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

It's got to be with somebody else then I'm afraid if it has to be now.
He doesn't want kids.
Good luck. :)

[Misconfused]

Thank u mojo jo jo I think this post defo got took in the wrong way but thank u for your honesty :) xx

[Nay37]

Hi I am sort of in the same boat but my age is not on my side. I fell pregnant 2 years ago and had the same dilemma cos it was the right place just wrong time cos my bf was in the middle of exams so after long discussions we agreed together to have an abortion. Anyway my advice is to sit him down and have a heart to heart and express all your wants and needs from each other and go from there. Good Luck. xx