Starbuckone's Story

mrs_overall | 08:14 Mon 24th Sep 2012 | ChatterBank

59 Answers

When Miss Buck and Mr One met, they were both itinerant costa-mongers who travelled the length and breadth of the country selling coffee. After a brief courtship they married, and nine months later their only child Star was born.
Star would spend many hours gazing at the night sky wondering which of the many celestial bodies she had been named after. It came as a shock when one day her mother informed her that she was named Star after her father's favourite daily newspaper.
Star was the black sheep of the family. Not only did she prefer drinking tea but she hated the itinerant lifestyle and dreamed of settling down in a country village. She had ambitions to work in the legal profession and studied hard at school. When she left school her parents grudgingly agreed to send her to college. After three baffling months she emerged from college knowing nothing about law, clutching with a coffee coloured certificate telling her she was a qualified Barista.
Deeply disappointed, she left home and settled in the sleepy village of Answerbank under the Wold. Being naive, she quickly fell into the clutches of a wicked agent who was recruiting for a lap dancing club and found herself dancing nightly. The villagers all wrongly assumed that she was a qualified barrister and frequently told her their deepest secrets and asked for her advice. She was aware of the location of the proceeds of several armed robberies, knew who in the village had committed benefit frauds (most of the residents) and who the village bigamist was.
One day the owner of the lap dancing club turned up and realising Star was over 25 and therefore past it, he sacked her on the spot. The owner of the village tearoom took pity on Star and gave her a job.
One day during a lull in the cafe, Star was idly polishing the espresso machine when she had an epiphany on how to make her fortune. Blackmail was the answer. That night she carefully cut words from a newspaper and glued them onto plain paper. Her demand was simple - a one off payment of £5,000 for her NOT to reveal certain facts to the authorities. In the dead of night she slipped out into the dark and hand delivered her letters all around the village.

Renting a 0871 number.

Its cold and wet..

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marval

Lovely, Mrs O, I was all wrong about Star. Another good poem DT.

mccfluff

goat curry is lush

(very well done mrs o :-))

parkie

Just as well I've led just a chaste life.

gness

Chaste life Parkdale????? Since when? ;-) x

tonyav

LOL, I've been chased all my life also parkdale, usually by the police, girls or the girls fathers.

gness

And now Murray.....x

tonyav

See what I mean gness, it's never ending i've even had goats chase me thanks to mrs o lol.

Psybbo

Another brilliant piece of work, mrs_overloaded and supported by the DTs. Star and you combined are going to make a fortune especially when you check Craft's cellar

Psybbo

OMG, just discovered Crafty is a MOD, runs and hides.
Star what was the thread you thought I started but then said it was DT x <br/> just nosey and wanted a peek

tonyav

WOT, crafty is a mod note to self, never call her short @rse again.

excelsior-1

well mrs_o .. another masterpiece.

now i can understand starbuck a lot more than before (what a dark horse)

starone

sibton - it was a thread about the use of the report button and it was called FAO Chuck and SirPrize. I think SirPrize has put something on as well. They were trying to discover if the report button worked as it should.

Psybbo

Star, does that mean you've got nothing on me, you don't know about............ or do I still have to fork out £500?????

tonyav

Psssssst Star give me £250 quid and I'll tell ya a secret about sibo lol.

Psybbo

And I'll tell Murray, Tony

tonyav

DOH.

starone

This blackmailing lark is spreading isn't it. At the moment I don't believe I have anything on you sibton (riffles through files muttering 'damn, how did I miss her?'). However, don't take that as permanent - I can take Tony up on his offer although he wants half. I'll have to beat him down on that, perhaps he'll take 25%.