Speed gun
A woman was driving at speed through a village and was stopped by a cop with a speed gun.
"Where are you going in such a rush?" asked the cop.
"I'm late for work," came the reply.
"And what do you do for a living", asked the cop.
"I'm a rectum stretcher," said the woman.
"A rectum stretcher, what the hell's a rectum stretcher?"
"Well," said the woman, "I first of all insert one finger, then two, then three and so on until my whole arm is in then I insert the other hand and arm and stretch it until it becomes 6 feet wide."
"That's incredible," says the cop, "But what can you do with a six foot ar@ehole?"
"Easy," says the woman,"I dress him in a uniform, give him a speed gun and put him at the side of the road to catch people like me."