to do or not to?

[jan01]

My mother has alzimers.. advanced stages.. we have been estranged for a number of years.... she apparantly is in late stages & is refusing food ect .....should I visit her whilst in this state or pay final respects at her funeral ... it sounds soooo cold hearted but if only you knew the dreadful history...... ...

[sandyRoe]

If you don't go you might regret it some time in the future. By then it would be too late to do anything about it. If I was in your position, I'd go.

[parkie]

Thankfully I wasn't in your position with either of my parents.
I think though, that if you do not go, you may regret it, but if you did go there will be nothing to regret. Blood is thicker than water.
If you see what I mean.

[Jeza]

I have always believed funerals are for the living, not the dead.

[Mamyalynne]

jan01...all the advice in the world, but is still your choice and only you can make up your mind.


HW - ((HUG)) ♥

[naomi24]

I would say you need to think about how you’re going to feel after she’s gone. As has been said, she may not remember you, but you’re going to remember her for the rest of your life. If not seeing her before she dies is likely to cause you pangs of conscience in the future – and we never know how these things will affect us until after the event - then go and see her. You’re the one who has to live with the results of your decision, so for your own sake – not hers – do what is right for you. Personally, I would go because then I would know I had done my best, I’d have have no regrets, and therefore nothing to reproach myself for. Much love to you. x

[EvianBaby]

Ill very likely have to make a similar choice in the future but my current thoughts on the matter are that someone dying or being seriously unwell does not suddenly make them a better, more deserving person and if they want certain things on their death bed they should have tried harder when they were full of life.

[chaptazbru]

Your decision yes, but if it was ME, I'd go. I think you must want too anyway as it's on your mind. Good luck.

[Traci66]

I went through this in April of this year. Mother and I had been estranged for 17 years, she was dying of cancer and asked to see me, after a hell of a lot of thought I decided to write to her as I felt she only wanted to see me to ease her own conscience. The letter s returned to me unopened and so I decided not to go and see her, she then died. I did not attend the funeral either, my choice. Do I regret either not seeing her or not attending her funeral, I don't. That's me, it's your depiction in the end and you have to do whatever you feel is right. My thoughts are with you, good luck and take care xxx

[Traci66]

^^^ decision.

[jan01]

Guys... I cannot nthank you all enough for the support & advice, you have all been invaluable in my making my descision .... my "mother" & I have been estranged for a number of years well 40! although I have had intermittent relationship with her...in these times she (& my father) would have been imprisoned for the crimes they committed against their children ......they regard her as "the vehicle that gave me birth" & him ... "the sperm donor" ......... but after all .... she is my mother ... thank you all sooo very much in helping me to make my decision .. I will visit her x

[woofgang]

Bless you jan I hope the visit has value for you x

[naomi24]

Good for you Jan. It won't be easy - but at least you will know you've done your best. x

[daffy654]

I would only visit my mother in this situation to see for myself that she was actually dead, there is a snowball's chance in hell I will ever visit her again while she still lives.