Am i going mad? or are my suspisions correct?

[ShaneMag85]

Gf dumps me for various reasons, very sudden, didnt see it coming, wont give me the chance to change my ways. However we are still living together until we can get ourselves sorted

Gf has just got back from a trip to her parents house in NEWCASTLE.

Caught my ex gf holding hands with a male Friend on a night out, Stopped holding hands when spotted.

Her male friend burns a hole in the back of my head whilst im chatting to my ex gf about why she is holding his hand - we are JUST FRIENDS she says.

Im under the impression this is a friend from work or something, but of course im suspicious and need answers for peace of mind
so i start snooping about for info.

on furthur investigation her male friends is also from NEWCASTLE.

She was out with him on monday night and wednesday night in WREXHAM

So what the flump is he doing in wrexham 200 miles away from NEWCASTLE

Sorry if im wrong here but no bloke drives halfway across the country to see some girl and take her out on the town and to
the cinema if he doesnt think he has got a chance - or is already seeing her.

Today i did something im totally ashamed of because it is wrong and i should respect her privacy. but i need to know the truth so badly
im willing to do anything to discover the truth.

I started checking any accounts of hers i could get access to.

Of course she has changed her facebook password - seems suspicious

i have access to her xbox account and email, various messages from the male friend.

Hey babe xxxxxxxx

mwah xxxxxxxxx

pretty normal messages for friends to send each other.


I appreciate she is now my ex gf and i shouldn't be bothered, but if the above is true i find it so disrespectful that she would do this
right under my nose. What makes it worse is that i don't know the truth. im going purely on suspicions and it is slowly eating
away at me.

I feel so hurt at the moment i cant even describe it. ive spoke to her about it twice now and she point blankly denies it.
but we have been together for 8 years, and something about the way she denies it tells me something isn't right.

i sent a very deep message to her friend who was out with her that Wednesday night to see if she knew anything.
No reply. Maybe Ive put her in an awkward situation and she doesnt want to answer. Surely if nothing was going on
she would have hit back quite quickly saying nothing is going on.

So she is working late tonite, an hour and 15 mins later than usual. seems to be happening quite a lot recently.
a lot more than usual.

so im considering going out at her normal finish time to see if she is lying to me
and if she does, who she goes with. will it be him.



what do you think. am i right to be suspicious? what should i do because it is literally destroying me inside :(

[ShaneMag85]

I appreciate we are no longer together, however i still live with her and still have to come home to her every day and face her with this knowledge. if she would just be honest with me it would be a lot easier. and i wouldnt go as far as im stalking her at all, i havent followed her anywhere, and i have only once been looking through messages etc to find out the truth. and the fact she has previously had the male friend in MY house while i havent been there(forgot to mention that). ive personally been keeping myself away from the dating game or whatever you want to call it out of respect for her whilst we are still living together. i mean it has been 8 years and we just broke up.
just feel awful right now

[Dee Sa]

I know it hurts shane but its time to let go and stop torturing yourself over the breakup, she probably found it hard to tell you. You cant make someone love you it has to come from them.Can you afford a short holiday away and stipulate that she moves out by the time you get back?
also a tip .. dont bore your pals by going over & over the story otherwise they will start avoiding you.
I sincerely hope that another door is waiting to open as this one closes.Best of luck.

[parkie]

We appear to get a number of threads like this from first timers. Perhaps our fame is spreading?

[Old_Geezer]

I can only reiterate the advice given so far. The reasons for the break up are less important to the present situation than accepting & coping with it.

Does it really matter if it was that she decided you were not the one she wanted to be with long term, or if it was more she'd already found another ? Whatever the cause she made a decision. The state of your (ex) relationship remains the same either way, as does your need to sort out your life from here on in.

Why burn up inside whether she is or is not lying ? Why does it matter to you ? It just makes you feel bad thinking about it. It neither solves nor heals anything. Forget the "disrespect" thing that eats at you. It's possible that even if your fears had validity she would not see the situation in the same way and think it odd you should view it so. So stop feeding your anger for all your sakes.

Progress the sorting yourselves out bit. Whoever is moving out do so as soon as practical since if the relationship has broken down a break helps the healing process.

[friedgreentomato]

Dry your eyes mate I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up.

[Prudie]

Sorry it's obvious she is seeing this guy and that's probably why she broke up with you. Does she think if she tells you then you might go and punch him? Whatever it hurts like hell, it's happened to most of us and her behaviour is common if not a bit cowardly.

[EcclesCake]

You say you wouldn't go as far as stalking her yet you are considering doing this.... "so im considering going out at her normal finish time to see if she is lying to me and if she does, who she goes with. will it be him. "

That sounds like stalking to me!

Move on.

[thebadger]

Checking her facebook, email and Xbox messages? Following her movements after work? That's not cool mate. If you are this suspicious I would suggest that a) your suspicions are founded but also, b) that you may have somehow scared her off by being possessive.
Move out, take up a hobby meet new people but don't dwell. You say she is your ex. Move on. Certainly don't stalk her and try to see if your suspicions are founded, that way heart-ache and madness lie. Good luck

[joeluke]

Get yourself another bird and flaunt her in front of your ex

[bbsfedup]

I'm afraid you're right, Shane. I do'nt know your circumstances but It really would be best to find somewhere else to live. Its always heartbreaking when you break up, bit time is a great healer. & If you're young enough, you can make a new start when your ready. Good Luck.