partner acting strange.....

[cdmj2111]

please bear with me. Let me start by saying my partner who isn't a horrid man.

We've been under alot of strain recently with seeing him 'other' family and our youngest not sleeping for weeks. Well tonight, i had a go at him. Saying, he doesn't help, he's no support, just horrid ot the kids etc. I was a bit out of order, but cross and very tired. Anyway half hour later he takes our eldest to the loo (he's 3 and a half). Son plays him up. Then the next minute OH is really shouting at son and then me & other child. Saying we all treat him like a c**t, and he works his b&lls off for us and what do we give a f**k etc. He said such horrid things infront of a 2 & 3 year old!. He walked out for a bit. I got kids into bed and said all was okay. OH came back an hour later and took himself off to bed. He didn't speak to me at all. I am so confused. I love him, but can't deal with him ever talking to the kids that way. Infront of his "other" family, he tries to act the perfect day. I know i'm ranting but i'm really cross at the moment. thanks

[B00]

Awww bless you both.

I think you've hit the nail on the head...you're BOTH under a lot of strain. This was his way of relasing a bit of tension.

No it's not right to do it front of the little 'uns, he's probably mortified that he did (why he took himself off to bed perhaps?) But if it's a one off, they'll be fine and will have forgotten it 10 minutes after it happened.

How about getting a babysitter for an evening and having quality 'couple' time? even if its only to the local pub for an hour- it's amazing what that can do.

I'm sure you'll both be fine.

Take care

xxxx

[lou 26]

I agree with Boo, you need to talk things through and make time for each other. kids take up such a big part of your life and if you dont get any "our" time or "me" time it will take its toll on you and things will get worse. If its the first time its happened I personally would "let him off", i dont mean let him get away with it lightly, you need to express your dislike at his language in front of the children, but if youre both under a lot of strain perhaps try not to make a big deal of it this time. But i would definately take Boo's advice and get out and have some fun as a couple. Its easy to forget each other when little ones come along. Good Luck, hope it all works out for you. xxx

[Solarjunkie]

Having said all those negative things, don't forget to redress the balance for a bit by listing some of the things you do appreciate about him - like working so hard to put food on the table.

Good luck.

[metagirl]

I have similar moments with the hubby but instead of in front of kids its in front of any unfortunate people who happen to be in the room. I agree with B00, take some time off for yourselves - he probably feels really guilty and you shouldn't let this one off fight affect every other aspect of your life together.

[Le Chat]

Personally, I think any one who swears like this in front of young children is appaling. Amazing that he can act so wonderfully in front of his other family.(Who exactly is the "other" family?) Alarm bells would be ringing in my head if I were you!!

Don't stand for it a moment longer please, or it will get worse.. I would be absolutely disgusted if my husband treated his family with such disrespect.

[B00]

Disagree Le Chat (sorry!) everyone has to blow off steam occasionally and this sounds like it was one of those times for her husband.

Whilst im not saying its acceptable to swear infront of children, its not, but we all act different with our partners and children than we do the rest of the family. I'm sure this was a one off, for which he's really sorry.

How many of us can honestly say we've never once lost our temper infront of the kids and swore?

[Le Chat]

You may be surprised!

[B00]

you've never lost your temper over anything infront of your children Le Chat? ever??????????

[cdmj2111]

thank you so much for the replies. I do think he was letting off steam. It was just a row. I think he was a sod, and shouldn't have said those things. But we are all human. We've been together 6 years and he's never done that before.

Obviously if it happens again, then he'll be off. But i do think it's a one off. What with toddler up every 2 hrs and me moaning on. It's not an excuse, but a reason. Thanks again for the advice.

[Le Chat]

Lost my temper yes! Sworn in front of my children (aged 9 and 2) NO NO NO NEVER!!!!!

[saxifragas]

My feeling is that being perfect for the "other" family is because he doesnt see them so much and wants everything to be perfect when he does, sort of on his best behaviour due to guilt? Loosing his temper is probably also a sign of guilt. He probably realises that the hasnt been fair to you lately and not helped out enough and because hes tired/stressed/irritable he just defended himself by attacking you. It wont hurt the children to hear their dad swear, i didnt hear my dad swear til i was 30 and it really shocked me. Bizzarly part of me felt let down that he had hidden something from me. Lovely of him to have controlled himself in front of me but i feel that i didnt really know who my dad was and hearing him swear occassionally wouldnt have made me think any less of him as he was a great dad. Children are going to hear swearing as soon as they start school, my feeling is that its best for them to know about it and know that it isnt nice and that you dont want them to do it. Behaving in a natural way with the children, letting them know that its ok to loose your temper if you are upset and nothing to be ashamed of as long as you dont loose control of what you are doing is normal and actually its quite healthy to let out how you feel rather than keeping everything welled up inside you.