The Height Of Being Tight Fisted?

[sherrardk]

Thing 1 and thing 2 got their first joint Christmas card today, all 4p worth - really annoyed me as a kid (birthday cards to 'the twins'), argh, why don't people think?

[sherrardk]

Poor boy #2 has his birthday just after Christmas and I always feel he is somehow short changed (sort of think he should get a official birthday in the summer). On the plus side, he gets really good presents from his party guests - a mixture of unwanted presents and over buying so he does really well.

[China Doll]

'By the same token, if they go to a party they take a present each'

Why? Mutual friends of my sisters and I will often get presents from all three or both of us, or both of them (more likely both of them as they're closer in age)... why get seperate presents when you can pool your resources and get something really good from both of you. I've two friends who are sisters and very close, I get a present from both of them, not one each.... Like I said, what you're talking about does not just apply to twins hence why I think it's your issue.

I still don't think it's a big deal at all, so I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

[sherrardk]

I was just thinking that CD, agree to disagree, it's all down to personal experience and how that changes/clouds our view, x

[China Doll]

Definitely... I also quite like being one of 'the girls' so it's a positive experience for me to lump me in with my sisters :c)

[sherrardk]

I don't really like my twin :( x

[gness]

May be Sherr's problem as it may have been mine when my 21st Dec.little one got the....this is for your birthday and Christmas present. His birthday was his and special not to be shared with Christmas so I would note who did it and for their birthday in say July, I would do the same. Petty maybe but it mattered. My daughter is at the beginning of January and my G.daughter 22nd Dec. Bad family planning I know but I keep their birthdays special for them. Twins are two separate people.

[slinkycat]

I get where you're coming from sherrardk, I've got identical boys and it used to make me seethe if they got cards addressed to "the twins" as if they didn't each have a name!

[sherrardk]

Ohhh, two people who get it! x

[joko]

my bro has twins and they are young so i dont get them cards, i wouldnt have given a toss about a card from an auntie at 4 years old, but they defintely get separate gifts...often the same thing, or very similar as my bro reckons they'll be upset if they dont get the same...

i would never write 'the twins' either.


i think people are differnt and have different ways of living, being and doing things and you cant expect everyone to fall in line with yours.

fact it, these people are being good enough to give your sons card and gifts and its coming from a goodplace, and you only seem to care about the minor details of it instead of just appreciating the gesture - remember they are not obliged to give anything at all really - 4pence worth or otherwise.

your other comment about the other boy being 'shortchanged' and 'doing well' seems rather that its all about how much 'loot' they can gather than about the meaning of it all, and gratitude etc.

[sherrardk]

Actually Joko, I don't appreciate your tone. I am not a grabby person and actually I really resent your post - i was pointing out that i thought boy #2 might feel short changed but that he was very fortunate to have very generous gifts at his birthday. If people wish to give a card then a card to each child (one boy, one girl) would be fair (I am big on fair) or no cards at all.

[joko]

i dont have a tone.

how is he short changed if he gets great presents? you said he does really well, yet it somehow lacking?

point is, its up to other people how they choose to give cards and presents, not for you to expect it done your way - as i say everyone is different.

i wasnt saying you were grabby, but itd be better for them if you focussed on what they have actually received for what it is, not what you think they should have got and perceive that they have missed out on.

[Canary42]

As a twin myself I wholeheartedly support sherrardk's views.

I wonder how many of those who think it's no big deal are twins. If you've never experienced it then you've no idea how demeaning it can be to be regarded merely as half a single entity, with the latter being the significant object.

[joko]

thats the problem canary, most people dont know what its like at all ... so see no harm in it ... how can they know whether one person will mind or not when so many dont mind?
but at the same time they are giving a card to be kind, not be cruel.

i am always told to get my nephews the exact same presents.
they are dressed identically always - as are most twins when kids - so its hardly surprising so many think its ok to do things jointly...isnt it ...?

do you dress them the same? same haircuts? same school kits etc ...?

if they kept getting 1 gift between them, i'd think it bad, but this is only a card....its just a message.

i do agree with sherrard that they should not be viewed as one, of course, but theyre still little ... they will separate more when theyre older, become their own person more.
some twins love being togteher all the time, and others dont ...

as a child my mum dressed me and my sister like twins for most of our childhood ... i was about 18 months older than her
couldnt care less at the time... barely noticed... though i thought it odd looking back at pics.

[ummmm]

I don't understand why you think they aren't seen as their own person. They are different sexes for starters.

[friedgreentomato]

A bit of an over reaction if you ask me.

It is only you making a big thing of it not the children it sounds like its your issue and not the childrens - are you trying to pass it on to them?

[NOX]

My ex has two sets of twins, a set of boys and a set of girls and I really can't imagine her getting bent out of shape because someone sent them a card in pairs, nor I imagine will she rbing them up to be upset about something which is at the end of the day really not that important. If you are happy, well adjusted and have a good sense of self then soemthing this small shouldn't worry you, and i'd be concerned about transferring your own hang up about it Sherr to your kids, because it seems really really important to you, somewhat disproportionately so.
As we have a big family we frequently got the kids massive joint present ( not twins- kids in general) that they could all enjoy- that didn't lessen them as individuals, or make them part of a 'set'- they just got a joint present. Life is like this, if a joint card is the worse thing that ever happens to them then they are truly blessed.

[McMouse]

We have 8 year old twin Granddaughters and christmas and birthday cards are always a problem. They don't like getting identical ones, but then compare their different ones and notice things like
1. Yours has more words than mine.
2. Mine is bigger than yours.
3. Yours has more colours than mine etc etc etc...............