Here are a few that stick in my mind. Past and present...
"Dinner with my fab besties, before cocktails on the balcony, then we'll probably end up in bed together, before Olive walks in on us. Totes OMG!"
"Going away with the girls this weekend. A group of us go to a chalet and have a right laugh. Then it's ladyboys of Bangkok, then I'm entertaining 500 guests and then I'm going on a 6 month cruise to top up my tan!"
"(((((HUGS))))) ♥♥"
"Going to bingo to-night. Cleaning out the chemical toilets to-morrow. Helping out my elderly neighbours with their plumbing (cash in hand). LOL XXXX"
"Our kitchen is broken, Dad won't fix it. My best friend is gay but I would like to be his girlfriend. I want to be a marine biologist, but don't know the difference between shellfish, seafood and fish".
"Eggheads? I am seeing Kevin, Barry, Pat, Trevor, Kevin, Ian, Pat, Bernie, Linda, Barry, Susan, Kevin, William, Helen, Pat, Pat, Pat, this weekend, at the annual quizzing convention. I will ask them".
"Sitting in my carpeted hut. Got my big red jag parked outside that cost me 5 grand. Going to Tenerife this weekend for the 50th time this year. Taking Bouncer with me for company".
"Not as good as Garth"...
"i is fed up. really fed up. whoever is watching my stuff on ebay stop it. i know its one of you. your giving me a migraine."
"Would you wish to live next door to this Muslim/Gay couple/Black family/Benefit scroungers/Polish people/Hooky Hamza?"
"Part 2,002 of the AB Christmas Carols. I think I've got everyone."