Unreasonable level of worry

[GillwithG]

We sadly recently lost our Dad and My mother who is 81 is becoming even more over protective of my brother who is 44. she goes into unreasonable levels of panic over everyday things such as his driving, work hours, everything, this is not just since my Dad died, she has always been like this, but I guess now, my poor Father is no longer taking the brunt of it. She is very demanding of attention, constantly demands praise, forgetful, and sulks over small things, she also accuses us trying to make her feel stupid.I really want to ask if anyone can point me in the right direction for medical advice. My Brothers stress levels are at an all time high, and I seem to upset her so easily, I feel like I am walking on egg shells all the time. I appreciate any input

[joko]

perhaps you should get her a carer - if only for company if she can look after herself well. enrol her in local clubs etc. my dad is the same but he has my mum and sister near. she may just be lonely and unfortunately age does tend to make people a bit cantakerous.

my dad, i think, doesn't like the fact that he has no longer got any sort of control over us, as we are all grown up, so every time he sees me he takes the opportunity to start moaning and trying to organise my life. perhaps your mum needs to feel like the boss but doesn't any more and doesn't like it

[JuliaSix]

My feeling is that she might find some counselling the answer, helping her come to terms with her loss. she may have a GP who has a counsellor in the practise or she could go to www.BACP.co.uk to find a counsellor close to her. Best wishes.

[veritymoon]

my grannie was just the same she would panic or stress about the most little things about her family or children and ended up making herself ill. she has always been like this but got worse after being ill one time and convinced herslef she was gonna be ill if she went out or worried about someone in the family becoming ill. i took her to the doc 12months ago as it was getting out of control and the doc prescribed some tablets for anixity and she made a huge improvemnet. she has now managed to cut her dose in half slowly and is much much better the doc is gonna continue to drop the dose over the next 6mths and fingers crossed she will be ok .

[andy-hughes]

This type of anxiety over loved ones is a normal reaction to bereavement - the notion that extra 'protection' of other family members will prevent something similar happening is part of the human psyche, and part of the grieving process.

It does sound as though your mum has additional issues of anxiety and general wellbeing, and I''d agree with veritymoon, there may well be some medication which will adjust a possible chemical imbalance in your mum's brain, which will assist her in rationalising the world around her, and make her easier to live with.

[nickyandchri]

The trouble is that she needs to admit that she has a problem first. If she can, then there are lots of avenues open to her - would she try NLP or hypnosis to make her feel good about herself again?

[JuliaSix]

General Practioners are now asked to refer patients for counselling before automatcally reaching for the prescribing pad. Grieving is a normal and healthy process better helped by counsellors than medication.

[Vics]

Hey Gill. This reminded me exactly of my Mother when my father died. She suddenly was bossing me about!! As opposed to just a grieving thing - I truley believe it is just a control thing - ie. when the main person they used to control goes - they move on to the next!! Interestingly I was the one of 3 sisters who was not married - so I think my Mum felt she could control me but not my other 2 sisters.

I found the solution to be not medical - as I didn't believe it was. What I found really worked for me was to always meet my Mum on neutral territory - because as soon as you are in their house - they think you are that child they can boss about. Also whenever I met up I would force myself to go with an open mind and just try to laugh off things if they got too critical. Also to just meet for short periods. Give it a go Gill and let me know how you get on. Vics X