Funeral Attire

[joko]

i have a funeral on friday, and i was talking to some mates about what to wear - i am going to wear black trousers, black shoes, a dark blue top with some decorative stitching across the neckline and a black coat

but one of my friend says you have to wear ALL black,
and another said mostly black but with a pale colour somewhere, such as a lilac or sky blue top or scarf or something is 'correct'
and another said any colours as long as they're dark is fine - such as navy, dark grey, dark brown, but no patterns etc.

all were absolutely adamant that their way was 'correct'

my mum also favours the mostly black and a pale colour thing.

i havent given my clothes much thought other than they should be dark and mainly black i suppose.

now, i know there is no real rule here, and really i could wear whatever i wanted and it wouldnt mean i was not being resepctful, but i was just wondering what others thought of all these 'rules'?

surely peoples clothing - as long as they dont look like theyre off clubbing, or grubby etc - are not that important.

do people get arsey if someone comes to a funeral dressed in what they believe to be against the rules?

what is your 'rule'? does it really matter?

personally i couldnt care less what people wore at mine, or at anyone elses really.

cheers

[vodkancoke]

I always wear black to funerals but I tend to wear black a lot anyway. I would say black, navy, dark grey and brown are all acceptable.

[maggiebee]

My dad hated me dressed in black. At his funeral I wore black trousers and boots but a bright red jacket and colourful scarf. Have also been at a couple of funerals where it was specified that "no black to be worn".

[Nini74]

personally i think you're outfit sounds fine. I don't think there are any particular rules, although i have ben disgusted by people turning up in jogging bottoms and tee-shirts before now - which to me shows a complete lack of respect. i also hate jeans at funerals for the same reason - but again, its just my opinion. I think smart black/dark trousers and appropriate dark and tidy top is fine though.

[woofgang]

"But, generally I wear dark, modest clothes"

This unless otherwise indicated.
I don't think there are "rules" as such and am a bit amazed that anyone would feel "adamant" about such a personal subject.

[askyourgran]

You don't have to wear black, you could wear a dark purple top with dark grey if you wanted to. If it's close family a lot of people opt for black but wear it with white shirts and darkish coloured ties. Not victorian times now where everything had to be black. As long as the clothes are clean and uniform it's OK. Some of the deceased actually ask that the mourners wear bright colours.

[owdhamer]

At my funeral it will be whatever you are comfortable in.

[Maydup]

No-ones going to arsey with you joko, whatever you wear as long as its not showy. At this time of the year it'll be coats on, and my winter coat is black anyway. I'd wear it with black trousers and a dark jumper (again it'll be cold so dress for the weather) and a dark scarf. Maybe have a little bit of colour in the scarf, do you have a purple or dark green scarf for example?

Hope it goes OK.

[NOX]

Personally I wear a black suit, white shirt, black tie, black shoes and long black coat (but I'm Irish and all the funerals I ever remember growing up were full of men dressed like that so that's probably where I have that from)- but my lad's are all the same with funerals as well, very formal. That being said I don't care what anyone else wears, it doesn't offend me any at all.

[joko]

thanks all

i was just curious what others made of these rules really, rather than being worried or needing advice - i am perfectly happy with what i am going to wear and actually wouldnt care if someone did get arsey to be honest - though no-on ever has before ... to my knowledge anyway ...
i expect some people do have strong 'opinions' but dont say anything publicly ...

and yes woof - i was quite surprised that all 3 seemed to have such set ideas about it. its probably been passed down from parents
(none were being pushy or angry about it or anything, it was just a chat)

i am surprised more people here havent agreed with them actually - i thought more of you would have 'rules' too, perhaps some of the older ABers - but im so glad people understand whats really important in these circumstances, rather than getting petty.

[tiggerblue10]

Just wear what you said in your first paragraph. Sounds perfectly acceptable to me.

[sherrardk]

I wore my 'interview suit', a dark top and black doc martens (wore the shoes to my mother's funeral as I know it would have annoyed her and six weeks later wore them to my grandfather's as I know he would have loved them). As long as you don't look like coco the clown I can't see a problem with whatever you choose. The family who have lost someone couldn't give a stuff and you shouldn't give a stuff about what the other mourners think, that's not why you are there.

[parkie]

My OH and I are going to a funeral Monday week and we always wear dark/black clothes unless otherwise requested.
My mother requested bright clothes to be worn at her funeral and my two brothers and I, plus our spouses, were the only ones who did wear bright clothes.
Everyone else came in black.

[excelsior-1]

good evening joko

i have nothing to add to what has already been suggested, i will only say that i hope everything goes smoothly for you on the day