behaviour -five yr old

[veritysims]

Anyone experienced children with behaviour problems in school who ended up doing okay out of life? My son is fundamentally a good child but struggles to behave properly in school. I hate to think he's not going to succeed coz he is very bright. We are supportive parents and obviously love him very much. He's only five but already has a reputation as being a naughty boy amongst other kids (and parents unfortunately). He's on a behaviour plan which works to an extent. Anyone got any tips or reassuring sories of their own kids who grew up to be well adjusted and successful?

[curiosity]

Hi, I would definately try EYE Q Omega 3 fish oil capsules. My son is 13 now, and although he didn't appear "naughty" to other parents, the teachers always said he wasn't doing his best and wasn't interested. Since going into year one he hated not being able to play enough. He is also bright and talks about going to college and Uni as if it is just going to happen anyway, but his secondary school teachers are saying he just doesn't make an effort. He started these last year and is top of his science class, and just generally more prepared, does his homework and finishes his work quicker in class. Look at the research, definately worth a try. Good Luck.

[curiosity]

Sorry forgot to say I buy these in Boots usually on their 3 for 2 vitamin offer, I did buy him some cheaper one's off ebay but he said they taste like fish and make him feel sick. The Research by the way was done with I think 5 or 7 year olds in Durham and was a massive success with boys.

[Nortilus]

Hi

I i wouldn't personally bother drugging my child, usually a behaviour problem stems from being bored, underchallenged. to be honest it sounds like the school hasn't found a way for your son to channel his energy - doing something he loves to do and teaching alongside it, maybe he picks up on things so fast that the rest of the class bore him. I wouldn't worry too much just watch his diet (cut out any excess sugars) and try and find a way for him to learn, be it creatively or manually. There is a growing majority of kids that learn by physically doing something, not just sitting in school being told what to do. Find how he likes to be taught then his energies will no doubt propel him to better and great things.

[tigerthecat]

Its all a bit subjective because it depends on the type of school he's at. I work across many schools and so see children who are more challenging in one environment who have there needs met more appropriatly. In another the child's behaviour is difficult because the school doesn't have the skills to meet the needs of the child. And yes lots of the kids I've worked with have grown up just fine.

[hm2274]

sounds like he constantly needs challenging, extending work. Check this with his teacher - boredom can cause the nicest of children to turn into little monsters. Can he be given a special role - at schoo and home to feel important. Spend time with him - quality time - talking, playing, reading etc together where it is just you and him or your partner??? Consistency at home and school with basic rules - let him know who's boss - this has to be continual or he will know you dont mean buisness. Lots of praise, ignore little minor issues - within reason and praise anything you can. Sticker charts at this age work too.

[Sweet Pea]

i have a 5 year old and it is hard work, i also have a 12 and 14 year old, all boys.

The first thing you need to do is to look at his diet, believe it or not but food is very important part of how children behave.

1) reduce his sugar intake, sugar free products or exchange sugar for other food. Biscuits 4 crackers, sweets 4 dried fruit. etc

2) avoid E numbers in food and fizzy drinks

3) praise him when he does something good, don't give to much attention to bad behavour.

3) spend quality time with him, not sitting on playstation.

4) Look at his behavour now and see if there is a big difference than before. This could be a sign of bulling or something else. children find it hard to talk about there feelings when they are young.

5) Is there something new happening, you have a new partner, a baby, moving house.

Any one of the above can change a child's behavour, let me know if you change his diet and see a difference as i am doing a study on behavour and food.

[twopennorth]

"He'll never amount to much" was the opinion of Churchill's school and parents.

Just one example of a long list of famous and successful people who didn't do well at school.

There can be all types of reasons why children do badly in school, without knowing more about your son it is hard to say.

My guess would be that he is bored at school.

IMO there is a type of male mentality that finds formal theoretical studying constrictive. They tend to scrape through school below their potential, but do well in a career that allows them to be problem-solving and to adapt ideas in a practical capacity.

Perhaps your son is like this. It may make him troublesome to raise, but when left to his own devices he will probably end up in a career in whch he is highly successful.

[Drusilla]

Some European countries do not start formal education until the age of 7 because they believe young children of 5 should be involved in more child centred, rather than subject centred learning. Our society seems obsessed with getting children to sit down and do formal work at the earliest age possible and in some cases, like your boy, it's just too soon.
He's probably a very bright boy who is bored with the restrictions placed upon him and fights against them. When he's older, people will judge those very same traits as the characteristics of a go-getting leader.
I taught Infants until my pregnancy ten years ago and always remember one little boy telling his mum after his first ever day at school.
'I can stay at home with you tomorrow, mummy, 'cos I know everything!'
Children are all so different and it's not his fault schools expect them to behave like clones the minute they walk into a classroom.
There's a lot of talk about meeting the needs of individual children in schools, but sadly, it's a fallacy. Your son sounds delightful!

[veritysims]

Thank you all so very much for your advice. I am going to keep a food diary and see if there are any patterns. I did buy some omega 3 supps but maybe they arnt any good, they are an own brand supermarket type (im such a cheapskate!!). I'll look into the Q ones. I think alot of it is due to boredom because he is always 'on the go'. Hopefully he will grow out of it and channel his energies into more 'acceptable' ways of behaviour. It's not that he is defiant, he really wants to please us (his parents and teacher), he always seems really disappointed if he's let us down. Thank you all again, so much wonderfful advice, I will have to read it all again. Sweet pea I will let you know about his diet if I see any changes.

[curiosity]

Hi it's me again the person who "drugs" their child, ridiculous!! Nortilus, I agree with your answer also, but I do still think these fish oils (not anti pyschotics!!) have helped even if they may be a placebo effect, which I don't think they are. Anyway what I have just remembered is my eldest daughters' 5 year old report saying she doesn't concentrate in groups, is distracted and fidgety and doesn't listen! It was obvious the teacher was irritated by her. I asked "does she not listen or can she not hear?" The teacher was sheepish (hadn't thought of that) My daughter (now an A* student across the board) didn't have an obvious hearing problem, she had glue ear, which when in groups or certain environments sounds like you are in a swimming baths, background noise is louder than focussed noise. She started sitting at the front, had gromits for 10 months and massive improvements, totally cured. Check it out, people seem to forget about hard of hearing being a problem. Certainly contributes to boredom in class.

[123paul]

Interesting that the child's diet is considered an issue, and blame is immediately put at the door of the school (bored etc), yet no mention of the parents?

If this is how he is behaving at 5 then he might very well get worse. Let's just hope he is not having an adverse effect on the other kid's educations.

[veritysims]

paul

i would ne interested to know if you have any children. I can assure you that as parents we are doing our absolute best to bring our two (bright, confident and happy) children up properly. Despite the problems that he has encountered at school, his teacher assures me that he is a pleasant child who is doing well academically. I think it is very narrow minded of you to assume that I am looking for someone to blame. If I was, I wouldnt be asking the advice of other parents on what steps I could take to improve the situation myself. I work WITH the teacher and I'm very cooperative and she said that because of this it shouldnt be a long term problem. His diet has nothing to do with the school, he takes his lunch from home so its my responsibility. There are parents out there who dont care about their kids behaviour and blame the school/teacher / child. However if you READ my post properly I think you can see that I am not such a parent.

[MumofAlex]

Hi - Please consider looking up information on high functioning autism or Aspergers.

My 4.5 yr old boy has spent the last year at nursery getting worse, and being labelled 'naughty'. Now I happen to know that he has some brain damage and very quickly got him assessed by an Educational Psychologist and Speech Therapist. It turns out he has various 'hidden' difficulties, which includes being impulsive (can't help hitting out), auditory (appears to ignore sometimes), and other things, but he seems 'normal'. He is fine with numbers, shapes, letters and talks well. He doesn't have any obsessive behaviour (yet). Now if I didn't know that he was brain damaged I would not have got him checked out and he would start school in January and would probably be very disruptive, uncooperative, agressive and emotional (sometimes). Does this sound like your son?

Please consider getting an assessment, it could show any difficulties he has and then you can get help. Don't wait a year or two before the school starts to say "well we think there's a problem so we'll start 'Action' or 'Action Plus', it will take months to get to Earmarked Pupil Funding stage where you are only offered 3-5 hours support a week!

My son is seeing a Paediatrician next week and I'm going to ask him to refer us to a Neuro Psychologist for more assessments, and this will hopefully give us enough information, along with the first six weeks of school, to get him Statemented.

I use Eye Q and it did make a difference. I also cut down on sugar. My 2 kids get hyper and then tantrum after having sweets at parties.

123Paul I am appalled at your answer.

[veritysims]

Thanks for your answer. I am very interested in looking this up, I have wondered for sometime about whether or not my son experienced mild neurological problems due to birth trauma (a long difficult labour, feotal distress, and eventually an emergency C section.) He performed badly on the apgar test shortly after birth and apparantly this can be a sign of oxygen starvation which can leave the baby with neurological damage. Oddly enough, another parent at his school who has similar problems with her son experienced an almost identical birth. The behaviour traits you describe are similar to my sons. I have spoken again this week to his teacher and she thinks it is simply down to immaturity but I am keeping a close eye on any patterns or changes. He is on an SEN behaviour plan now and she said she thinks this will help. If things havent improved by next term I will certainly consider outside professional help as you have done. Its great that you are being so proactive about helping your son and just reinforces my view that 'bad' behaviour isnt always the result of negligent parenting. If you don't mind, I would be interested to know if you're son had any birth complications which led to the brain damage you mentioned.
It is reassuring to hear that I am not alone with these concerns, comments like 123pauls are upsetting because, as I'm sure you know, guilt and embarrassment about our children's behaviour will not help anyone. I am coming to realise that now.
Thanks again for the post and good luck with the assessments.

[o8sp]

hi,

i agree with the idea of fish oils. i tried the eye q which are xpensive but recently read a review which said that the boots one had the highest amount of omega 3 and 6 fatty acids. i do notice a change in my daughters behaviour when i forget to give it to her. i think that it can take up to 12 weeks for it to really have a notcieable difference.

good luck.