Feedback On This Poem Would Be Appreciated. (Revised Draft)

[bob68k]

'From The Streets To The Hudson'


Avenues plugged into the pulse of concrete
where wedge-shaped skyscrapers shoulder the horizon;
I see a parade of tourists, musing upon tower tops
piercing the archings of sky

this is a place where contrasts reflect
off asphalt ribbons, where pigeons
pivot while their wings
shed silver-gray tumult,

where straphangers squeeze into metal cars
at Eighty Sixth and Broadway,
scents of mingled perfume and scorched brake pads
fill the subterranean stretch

here, where millions come as night spills over the Hudson
and the moon rests in roof top gardens
away, from spindrift pavements
this river lies ever at your feet

[Rosie29]

I liked your poem very much but couldn't quite connect with the last verse. But not quite sure why. So no constuctive help I'm afraid - but it was very pleasing to read and evocative. Good luck.

[ludwig]

I like it.

[boxtops]

I like it too - it paints a good picture

[Mick-Talbot]

How many versions of this poem have you done?

[chrissa1]

I liked that.