Anniversary Of My Dads Death

[momcj]

My dad died a yr ago tomorrow. I cant believe it has been a year! I miss him so much and still cry at least once a day, usually when I go to bed at night. I end up staying up late because Im in fear of going to sleep, because without fail when I get into bed this is when I think and cry and get myself into a state. This then means Im tired and sleep in the day when I can, wish i wish i didnt do. Does it ever get easier? when? Can you get counselling through your doctor? as im wondering if this may help. Has anybody had counselling about a bereavement? did it help?

[lady-janine]

what a shame for you. yes, i think you do probably need conselling. perhaps you could go and see your gp or the practice nurse about it next week.

[Nibble]

Yes, momcj, it will eventually get easier, but the timescale can vary vastly from person to person, but you could try getting some help from your local bereavement counsellors. You could try here http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

Hope you feel better tomorrow, but have a {{HUG}} for the rest of tonight. ♥

[fredkins]

Yes they can get help with bereavement,I have to tell you momcj do not leave It any longer,get some help. You see I did not and It affected me terribly and still does.I did see a pyschoanalyst but this was over 20yrs too late,please do something about It,for your own sake,It will help you at this stage in your loss.

[Smowball]

Aww you poor thing. I went through the same thing 4 years ago and I ended up having counselling in the end. It did help. Sending you a big hug. xx

[momcj]

Thanku for ur answers, how do i get help? Do i just go to my doctors and ask for counselling? can they organise it and would i need to pay?

[Jeza]

In my opinion any death in the family never gets easier, but you learn to live with it.

[Smowball]

You can go to your doctor, or look up local ones on the internet. I actually paid privately because my local free counsellors had a really long waiting list.

[Gavmacp]

It took me months to accept my father had died. I think it was because it was quite sudden. I think it is your brain trying to make sense of something that makes no sense.
It is now over 25 years ago and I occasionally dream of him, they make me smile.
It does get easier but it will just happen when you are ready.

[momcj]

Thats interesting Gavmacp, because when he first passed away I wud dream about him and he would look as he did near the end, very thin and ill but now i dream about him like he looked when he was healthy-which is heaps better. I think its because I am a talker, i have no problem talking about my feelings and its ok to get sad, but while i have a very close family i dont think they r the same as me. Thats why i think if i talk to someone it may help

[Smowball]

Talking will definitely help, but if you decide to not get a counsellor then we are always here for a chat x

[Gavmacp]

Something you could try is to have a box such as a shoe box. Fill it with photos etc of your father. Once a week you can get it out for a set time such as an hour. Cry and talk to him. Then when the time is up you put everything away. This way you have a little control over this period in your life.

[soapnumpty]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. It does get easier but it is a gradual thing. I would definitely try counselling. Also try what Gavmacp has suggested and give yourself a set time each day or every few days to think about him, and once the time is up do something else. This way he isnt occupying your every waking moment. when you think about him at another time, such as bed time, you can push the thoughts to the back of your mind without feeling guilty. Sometimes people can feel guilty for getting on with their lives and enjoying themselves. I don't know if you feel like this but you shouldn't do. Maybe planting a tree in your garden in memory of him would help too. Good luck.

[nungate]

If you think you need bereavement conselling Momcj, then you do. I lost my dad in 1979 when I was in my twenties and there's still not a day goes by that I don't think of him. The death of someone so close is not something to get over, but it is something you do eventually get through, the first year is the worst, and the pain will ease as time passes. My own thoughts are that you should start by seeing your GP and telling him/her just what you've told us and see if you can perhaps have something (short term) to get your sleeping patterns settled down, and find out about bereavement counselling - try Cruse Bereavement Care (www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk)
and see how you get on. Meantime, if you feel like a good cry sweetie, you go on and have one. Trust me things will get a bit easier, it just takes time that's all.

[yinyang]

It will be 6 years in October since my dad died, but only a couple of years since I would say I've actually gotback to ' normal '. If you feel you need counselling, then go for it.

I found it hard to talk to my family because we were all in such pain, and after a while I felt like I would be boring my friends if I kept going on about it. At the time I thought I was doing ok but when I look back I would really have benefitted from talking to somebody about it all.

Like you, I found that for a long time my memories of my dad were swamped with how he looked during te final stages of his illness and in death- it was all I would see when I shut my eyes at night. The real him is coming back now and being able to hear his laugh again in my head or rembering watching him playing his guitar has helped me a lot. I tell my children stories about him all the time- things from my childhood and things from the time they spent with him that they wouldn't otherwise remember ( they were only 5 when he died ) and that makes me feel like he is still part of my family.

I still miss my dad every single day and I don't think that will change but it does get a lot less raw over time and you learn to get on with things

Take care of yourself, you'll be ok.