Domestic Violence - What Shall I Do?

[phleb]

I have been helping my hubby all month with his property business, cleaning the most dirtiest houses for him. I cook and clean, take the kids to school, and then go to work every morning. I struggle financially with what little i earn and tax credit top up. I have no money for luxery items, or anything decent for myself to wear (my mum reminds me everyday i don't dress up anymore). I am not feminine anymore, i have learnt to fight back, in a weird way. I stopped going to the gym, put on over 2 stones, becuase when i have cooked his lunch, cleaned the house, i am too exhausted to go to the gym or anywhere else. I sleep every afternoon after work, after my chores. I am depressed beyond belief, i seem fine some days, then i get overwhelmed with everything.

Today, he asked for a packet of biccies, i was peeling potatoes for the kids supper, so said to him to get them himself. He came into the kitchen, and punched me on my arm. I ignored it. He opened a packet of biscuits that was new, without checking if one was already opened. I just said why did you open that? (he never pays towards the food) and he threw several more punches to me, missing my jaw.

I have now decided i will leave. The problem is that its easier to be beaten than to start over again. Where do i start? please advice me?

[boxtops]

Phleb - don't make any excuses - go. Your last comment about "I'm the only family he's got" - don't think like that, don't feel in any way sorry for him. It's not going to be nice, it's not going to be easy, but just get the hell out of there. If he blames you for it all, just ignore it - it's the only recourse he's got, to try to make it all your fault, anything but his fault. It's a poor and pathetic man who has to feel big by beating up a woman.
We're here when you want to talk. ♥

[phleb]

ladybird, i cannot move any where near him or in any of his houses, i need to get as far away from him as possible. I know if im close i will go back to him.

[ladybirder]

I know if im close i will go back to him

phleb would you? Really? Why? Not for a minute suggesting you should stay near him but don't understand why you can't trust yourself to be near him. Have I misunderstood you?

[phleb]

I feel sorry for him every time. He cries etc. I want to move from him so he can't use emotional blackmail. Last time i left him, he stayed in his car outside where i stayed, he followed me everywhere, was arrested and sent back out to harrass me, he was lost, so i went back....i will not make that mistake again, and so i will prevent such thing repeating itself.

[ladybirder]

OK.I get it.
Be strong, for yourself and for your children. I don't know if you have any boys but they'll think it's OK to hit a woman when they grow up if they see it in their own home. Once you start the ball rolling you will get a lot of help. And see a solicitor and get some maintenance off him for the children at least. phleb you'll be OK. Honestly you will. Just get the hell out of this dreadful life you have with him. Then things will start to get better.
Go girl XX.

[society]

You need you get a restraining order of protection against him.

[Mamyalynne]

Of course he will cry, it has worked before and he thinks it still will - harden your heart and think of yourself and the children. He has had many opportunities to change and hasn't, now is your time to call the shots and make a new safe life.

[parkie]

phleb. There is never any justification for domestic violence. I was some years in the police and have seen this same situation time and time again, from the beatings, to the harassment, emotional blackmail, the lot.
The only thing to do is make a complete break before he not only beats you but turns his violence upon the children.
A leopard doesn't change his spots.

[FredPuli43]

He cries , eh? I did say, that I bet that he comes over all apologetic afterwards, because men like that always do.You said he doesn't apologise. No, but. he cries. Same thing . And when you go back the whole cycle starts all over again, and will do for evermore. That's classic control, the classic behaviour of the abuser. Every woman who you meet in a refuge will describe the same pattern of behaviour. You'll begin to wonder whether they've all been living with your man, it's so similar !

Be brave and go You've already done a hard part; you've told somebody, us. Now do the rest !