My mate said I did the best impression of a leaf he'd ever seen.
I was blown away.
I've invented a more efficient whisk
it’s causing quite a stir.
When Sigmund's mirror broke, Jung took pleasure in seeing a shard in Freud.
A mate of mine walked into the pub with a fish on his head. The fish was positioned quite high on his head with its broad tail hanging down the back of his neck like a curtain.
"Evening Dave!" I said, "Nice mullet."
I'm not happy with this new Origami clothing.
It always looks creased no matter how carefully I fold it.
I've maxed out at the bank and they keep phoning me,
I wish they would just leave me a loan.
Greggs have sold an astounding 1.5 million apple based pastry desserts this month alone.
What a turnover!
Fox News:
Basil Brush has moved house.
The instructions on my microwave meal say 'stir and recover'
How tiring do they think stirring actually is?